6 Years Gone
On May 8, 2017, my friend Rick Arlen passed away. It’s been six years since his death and I am still not over it. It’s been hard for me, as he was one of the most kind people I had ever met and he gave me so much advice that I am now taking in.
For one thing, he told me that I needed to be more assertive and fight for what I wanted. When I first met him, I was beginning to draft a book on his mother, Jobyna Ralston. I began writing him a letter, than interviewing him and then talking to him every few months, and we talked about so much. His mother was for sure on the table, but we talked about other things, like love, marriage and just life in general.
When he died on May 8, 2017, I had no idea that he had even passed, I was notifed on the 22nd of May. I had called him on his birthday to wish him a happy birthday and he didn’t answer. But then I got a card in the mail, that told me he had passed, and I completely froze. I am a woman who cannot process deaths and I still don’t.
I was, and according to his BFF Susie (who is a good friend of mine now), said I was the closest thing he had to a daughter/granddaughter. She said he loved me so much and I told her that the feeling was very mutual. I was getting ready to make my trip up to Cali to see him, but he was gone before I could.
I miss him so much.
One of the things we talked about before he passed, was about relationships. I was in a relationship that he wasn’t too sure about. He asked me if I loved him and I said “No but only god knows when I’ll be asked out again, so I have to deal with this.”
“Sweetheart, let me tell you something, if you don’t feel like you love him, you’re probably not going to be happy. You cannot settle, because you are afraid of being alone. It’s the kiss of death,” He said. It turns out he was right. I was afraid of being alone. He told me that the right man would come along and he would be there at the wedding. He passed before he could come to my wedding in Oct. of 2022.
In 2018, I got a very special letter from his BFF, saying I was getting a lot of Jobyna’s stuff and I still hold that collection so close to my heart, I don’t look at it much, because it makes me miss Rick so much. But I know he is with his mother and his wife, the two women he loved most.
I got scrapbooks, photos, movies, you name it. So much of Jobyna resonated with me, and I think I reminded him of his mother, in a lot of ways.
Rick, as I remember, was always so warm and kind and I miss him more as each passing day goes on. With each year that goes by, May is hard. There’s his passing and his birthday, which is on the 17th. It’s like back to back pain and I cannot fathom it. He was always so supportive of my dreams and he wanted me to be happy. He was like the grandfather I had, and I was so lucky to have gotten to know him personally. Recently, his friend sent me photos of him and his dog, Joby. I cried when I got the pictures, because I hadn’t seen a lot of photos of Rick as an adult (only have ones of him as a child). I loved them so much and I miss him. I can still hear his voice sometimes when I’m silent. He visits me in my dreams sometimes, and with his mother, they always say they love me, which is hard because I loved them so much. Jobyna, the mother, I never knew, but I was determined to meet her son. She only had one and I was among the lucky people who knew him.
We’d talk about health, the weather and what was happening in our lives. When I got his belongings, I was shocked to see many of my letters he had kept over the years. I was so surprised. I thought I meant nothing to him, but I guess I meant a lot to him.
He meant everything to me.
I love you Rick, always have and always will.
