Alisha (“Fourth Half”)

In this- My grandpa had a third half to Alisha’s story, and yet this was another part of it. I wouldn’t call it a “fourth part” but apart of the “Third” since he adds on to the “dates” that he wrote about .

This- I believe gave me more information about her, that he probably learned about her over time, or later after she died?

Triggers: Mentions of sex- Sexual Assault, discretion is advised.

Here, I present the UNCUT and UNEDITED VERSION of the “4th” HALF OF ALISHA’S STORY:

MAY 1945

I know I forgot to mention one part of the story. I know I had said that I had first met her in the church, but I had forgotten to mention the very first time I laid eyes on her.

It was almost the end of May to be exact and beauty came over to the house (as she usually did, but up until then, I had paid no attention to her). She knocked on the door and I believe Betty opened the door. She went by the kitchen and asked mama if she needed help (beauty was always helpful, especially at our house). Mama said, “No, but here’s a popsicle, the girl’s are outside!” Beauty thanked her and went out in the back. I was out back with my brothers trying to fix the fence outside. It was hot as hell outside and we had our shirts off, which I guess turned beauty on.

She saw my sister Sue, who was really her friend, but I think she was friends with all my sisters. She sat down next to Sue and Gwen on the grass, eating her popsicle. She said hello and they all were talking about what we were doing. She then spotted me, which was not hard, since I was tall (about 6'3 at the time).

“Whose that?” I heard her say. Now, I was about 5 feet away from her, but I have heighten senses, and I could hear what was she was talking about and she was asking about me.

“Oh that’s our brother Billy, he don’t talk much!” That lit up her eyes. Beauty was used to men talking her ear off about how good she felt. She liked the fact that I was a “quiet” type.

“Is he goin’ steady with anyone?” She asked. I sighed. I wasn’t, not at the moment. I had gone on dates with other girls, to be blunt, they were not exactly what I was looking for, until I met her.

Sue looked at her and asked if she was joking? Beauty looked at them in surprise. I was then called over. I walked over to her, and I looked at her.

I was introduced and I couldn’t help it, but her eyes, my god, those blue eyes, I’ll never forget them. They were so hypnotic, that I could barely even hear anything that was being said. Then, I snapped out of it, cause I heard Gwen scream, “BILL, get the nice girl a glass of water!” I muttered out, “Yes ma’am.” I walked into the house and I got her a small glass of water and brought it out to her. She took it and thanked me.

I heard she was staying for dinner and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

When we were eating dinner, I couldn’t help it but stare at her. She had asked me to pass her the salt. Of course, being in my own little world, me getting the picture of us kissing, and then of course, feeling the big thud on the side of my head from Phil.

“BILL!” I looked at him.

“Somethin’ wrong Bill?” Phil asked. I shook my head. “Then pass the lovely lady the salt,” Phil said. I did, and I looked into the big blue eyes. My god, I don’t know if you ever knew this, but you tell alot about a person just by looking in their eyes, hers said a lot.

After dinner the girls hurried off to their room, and I wanted to know more about her, but Phil knocked me on the head again, and told me to let her be.

I saw everything and heard everything. My sisters Sue and Betty loved the movie magazines and bought new ones each week. Well, they bought a couple of them and beauty got to look at one.

“I got the new Motion Picture magazine!” Sue said as she handed it to beauty. Beauty sat on Sue’s bed.

“AH! I love seein’ these things! It’s like gettin’ the news from Hollywood!” Beauty said as she flipped through the magazine.

“What do you think about that Clark Gable?” Sue asked. Beauty rolled her eyes.

“Well, I don’t think Clark Gable is really all that attractive, but I do like Mr. Jackie Cooper, he seems fine,” Beauty replied.

Sue then looked at Gwen.

“Betty, go get mama,” Sue said. Betty was a little confused at first, but Gwen repeated Sue’s request.

Betty went out of the room. Sue looked at beauty.

“Hey, so we told Mama, about what was goin’ on,” Sue said. Beauty closed the magazine and sat up. She was scared to death.

“WHAT? I never told you anythin’!” She cried. Gwen came over to the bed and she sat down.

“No, Phil, he knew, and he told me. Your brother was boasting about it,” Gwen said. Mama then came in.

“Ok, girls, can I talk to her alone?” Mama asked. Gwen and Sue walked out the room.

Mama sat with beauty on Sue’s bed. Beauty looked down.

“Now, I heard from Phil about your brother hurtin’ you in such a way that I find inappropriate,” Mama said. Beauty’s eyes filled up with tears.

“Mrs. Henderson,” She tried to say, but Mama cut her off by saying,

“Darlin’, I know you’re not wanting this, and I understand why I didn’t see at the graduation exercises.”

“I was not able to go to high school like I wanted. I wanted to go so badly. I wanted to read all those books and learn,” Beauty said.

Mama, I knew was gentle and kind, and did not blame beauty for any of it.

“We need to call the police,” Mama said. Beauty’s eyes turned from crying to scared.

“NO! No you can’t!” She cried. Mama inquired why.

“He’ll… he’ll kill me!” Beauty sobbed.

“Who?” Mama asked, and I think she had an idea of whom, but she wanted to hear it from her.

“My brother, he said if I ever told anyone, he’d kill me,” She cried. As I was in my room seeing and listening to all of this, my blood began to boil.

How dare he want to hurt her?

Mama began to talk to her, and she told beauty that she (beauty) was going to stay over at the house for a little bit, and boy was I thrilled.

Phil came into my room, and told Dan and I not to fight over her, to let her pick who she wanted.

June 1945

Early June 1945

I was sitting on the bench at Trinity Park, wrtiting a short piece, that if I can recall was about nature and the way that it ws shaped. She saw me and she said,

“HI!” I looked up and I closed my notebook.

“Umm, Hi,” I said, looking up at her. She was wearing a beautiful olive green dress, that seemed a little short, but she wore white heels.

“Are you goin’ my way?” She asked. I got up and I said I was, when I really wasn’t, I just wanted to be with her.

We started walking and then she began to talk.

“So, what were you writin?” She asked. I really was writing about nature, and I was thinking of us having sex on the grass, but of course, I didn’t tell her that, so I made something up.

“Ohh, just about some ducks or something,” I lied. I didn’t like to lie, but in the name of love, I did- but I was never proud of that.

I walked with her and then she talked again.

“Why ain’t you in school?” She asked. It was summer, as I reminded her but she told me that she didn’t see me going to school, as I told her she wasn’t either?

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” She said. I said, “Ok.”

We continued to walk.

Then she asked a question, that she would ask again much later.

“Why don’t I ever see you in Church?”

I couldn’t really answer, but my memories flew back to where I did go to Church, but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t like the way the Preacher’s preached, they mostly used their words to produce hate.

“Well, I just don’t see the point,” I said. She looked at me.

“Why?”

“I..Just don’t,” I replied. To be blunt, I wasn’t religious and I don’t intend to be.

She nodded and walked.

We walked together and then she said, “Are you datin’ anyone?” I knew what she meant?

“No..I’m not,” I said.

She smiled and said she wasn’t either. It was nice to know she wasn’t claimed.

“I’ll be eatin’ at your house tonight, I hope that’s not a problem for you,” She said. I shook my head. In fact, I LOVED IT when she joined us for dinner, because I got to see her.

That night, she ate dinner with us. Phil noticed that I could barely keep my eyes off her, and said, “Whatcha lookin’ at Bill?” I looked at him and shrugged it off.

I had seen her a few times during the start of the month. But, I really had met her at the end of May, technically the 30th of May, to be exact.

When I began seeing her, I was already in love with her, but I didn’t know if she felt the same. It was sometimes hard to tell with her.

But, the moment I met her, I knew I wanted her for my wife, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves- I was only 16 at the time, and believe me, boys at that age, only think about one thing, and I don’t have to spell it out for you. If you know — you know. For me, she was DROP DEAD GORGEOUS and every man knew it. It didn’t matter how old they were, ok, maybe it mattered, but with her, men wanted her, and that included my own brother, Dan.

He took the beauty out on a few “dates” but whenever he tried to get “close” to her- she just said, “Thank you Dan for the nice evening, but I’ll be goin’ home!” as she would kiss his cheek and leave. She never really drove, not that I recalled. She had a drivers license, but she never owned her own car.

But, when I began seeing her, she was like the “forbidden fruit”- but at the same time, she was my “forbidden fruit.” Mama didn’t mind if I was with her, believe, she didn’t mind, but my god, she was everything a sixteen-year-old, 6 foot 3 man would want.

She was beautiful, gorgeous and she had the biggest heart out of anyone I had ever seen (up to that point).

The gorgeous girl turned 18 and believe me, I wished I was her age, but I was a year younger than her, but I still was becoming enamored with her.

When I was with her one night, I saw her brother out with Johnnie Clarkson, a boy who was a year or two older than I was. Johnnie was the son of a welder, and he had jet black hair, and brown eyes. He always wore clothes that always seemed like they were a size too big for him.

He wore blue overalls that day, with a grey button down shirt underneath. His brown boots seemed a little big on him and they didn’t notice us.

I saw her face turn from a happy smile to a scared frown.

“UGH! I hate Johnnie! He .. he shoves too hard. I don’t like the way he feels,” She said, looking at me.

I knew Johnnie pretty well, he knew my brother, Phil.

Then we looked at them.

“I have to sleep with him at least once a week,” She whispered .

“Why?” I immediatly replied.

“I.. I don’t know.. I just..I hate it! I hate him! He doesn’t even talk sweetly to me, he just tells me how good I feel,” She said, as she looked down at the ground. She looked up and began to walk away from me.

“I’ll see ya later,” She said.

I didn’t know what I was thinking, but I grabbed her arm.

She turned and looked at me, in shock.

“Billy!”

“You’re not really gonna go with that man, are ya?” I asked. As I was holding onto her arm, I could see what he did to her, and believe me I was ready to beat the hell out of him.

She didn’t really struggle to be let go, rather she came closer to me.

“No, rather, I was gonna be with you,” She said, as she came closer to where she was almost in my arms. We hear a voice behind her.

“Well Billy! I see you’ve seen the gem of the town!” It was Johnnie as he pulled her from me. He started trying to kiss her neck, she moves, she doesn’t want it. I grab her and I put her behind me.

“YOU LAY OFF HER JOHNNIE!” I say. Johnnie looked at me with those eyes.

“HA! You really gonna beat me over a girl?” Johnnie laughed.

I was angered, and believe me, I didn’t want any man touching her!

“Johnnie!” I snarled.

“Really Billy!? Why would you defend a slut?”

Dammit. That word again. I despised men who called her that!

She quickly got between us.

“BOYS! PLEASE! THERE IS NO NEED FOR THIS!” She screamed- putting her hands between me and Johnnie, trying to stop us.

“Yeah! Listen to the little slut Billy!” He said to me. Without thinking, I grabbed her and I put her behind me and I punched him so hard he fell to the ground.

“BILLY!” She screamed. He tried to get up, but I held him on the ground by my foot on his chest.

“YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER AGAIN!-” I tried to scream. The beauty screamed my name and told me to “come over here”.

I let him go, and I walked over to her.

“What the hell are you doin?” She asks. I couldn’t really answer. She looks at me.

“ I sleep with him so we have money to eat,” She whispered.

I quickly realized that her brother was using his sister as a prostitute, and for what? Money? (I soon later realized that their family had money! He just used her — for his own benefit!)

I let her go softly, and she walked away with Johnnie. I was enraged, but I trusted her, and there was nothing more I could do.

A few weeks later, I met her by Lake Worth. It was summer and she didn’t really wear a swimsuit, more like a shirt and overalls.

She waded in the water and waited for me .

I saw her, and she seemed distracted. I walked up to her.

“Hi,” I said .

She smiled at me.

“Hi,” She said as she looked at me.

I took off my shirt, my shoes and my socks. I waded in the water. I looked at her. Her beautiful eyes were even more dashing.

I loved her, even though I was just a simple man.

I made my way over to her.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

She looked at me.

“Just thinkin’ about things, just want things to be different,” She said. I knew what she meant.

I waded over to her. I asked her if she really cared about what I thought or anyone? She shook her head. She started splashing me with the water with her foot and then I splashed her. I grabbed her by the stomach and I whisked her around and she laughed. I had never seen her so happy. Then, I picked her up and I looked at her. God, I wanted to kiss her right there.

I was about to, but I heard a familiar voice, and luckily, it was a good one : Phil.

“Bill! Come on home!” He said.

She looked at me with those blue eyes and then she looked down.

“Well, I gotta go anyways too!” I set her down, her feet touched the water. She quickly said “good-bye” and left.

I stood there, wondering, why didn’t I kiss her?

Later that night, I rode in Phil’s truck.

He told me he knew about my love for beauty.

“What do you like about her?” He asked. There were a lot of things I liked about her, but to be blunt, there were a few things I could think of.

“I like the way she talks,” I said. Phil looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears .

“WHAT? THE WAY SHE TALKS? Brother, are you joking?” He laughs. I recall Alisha’s soft, but beautiful southern voice and I recall her accent. I loved the way she sounded. I think about it every now and then.

I saw her walking to the shack again. It was hot as hell outside. She walked into the shack and took off her blouse and her skirt. She was in her bra and her underwear. I thought I would go over to see her.

She laid there in the bed and she picked up a rough copy of The Wizard of Oz.

She began reading it.

I walked in and she noticed me. She smiled and said, “Hi.” I took off my shirt and I walked over to her.

“Aren’t you a little old to be reading Oz?”

“Ain’t you a little old to still be wearin’ a belt buckle?” She replies. I laugh a little bit.

“Ok, fair enough, this is Phil’s,” I said. She laughs again. I sit down next to her.

“Why do you read kiddie books?” I asked.

“It’s just a book I’ve never read, always wanted to,” She said, turning the page.

I sat with her for a little bit, until she said she had to go.

That night- while I was laying in my bed, I saw her in her bed, tossing and turning. She was coughing a little and felt sick. I knew she was sick. She was burning up and I knew she was running a high fever. I saw that dipshit of a brother come into her room and try to touch her. She moaned, and she told him that she was sick and she wasn’t in the mood to be touched. He tries to touch her and she has about enough strength to slap him, hard.

“LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! I’M SICK! GO FUCK SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE!” She manages to yell at him. This angers him and he tries to pin her down to the bed. She is screaming and trying to tell him to stop. Her daddy, surprisingly, opens the door and yells at both of them. He’s very drunk.

“Daddy, I’m sick! He’s tryin’ to hurt me!” She cries. The only time he ever did something good for his daughter, was to tell her brother to get the hell out of her bedroom, and her brother does. Her father yells at her that she knows better than to yell like this. She lays back down, but only for a moment. Then, she got up, and she walked herself to our house.

She knocked on the door and thank God for Gwen, who was getting herself some milk, opened the door. There was beauty, she was tired, and she looked so sickly.

Gwen noticed the beauty and took her inside.

“Oh my god! Come in!” She shrieked. Sue was up as well.

“Gwen?” Sue asked. Gwen immediately screamed for Phil or for Dan, not for me. I know why she didn’t.

Phil came into the living room and immediately picked up the beauty and took her to the girl’s room.

She was laid down in Gwen’s bed.

“Jesus Christ! What happened to her?” Phil asked. Gwen told him to get a thermometer, and get a wet rag for the beauty’s head.

“Help, please,” The beauty managed to cry out.

“It’s ok, we’ll help you!” Gwen said. Phil came back into the room, with a thermometer and the wet rag. Gwen took it and placed it in the beauty’s mouth. Just what she thought: 104.5 degree’s.

“Shit. She’s really sick!” Gwen said. Gwen then told Sue who was standing in the doorway to call a doctor. Sue called Dr. Williams, a man who luckily, the beauty didn’t know. He was an older man, who had glasses and white hair, but was one hell of a doctor (that’s what I was told, I didn’t know the man all too well).

He came over and took a look at the beauty. I came out of my room and watched her with the doctor. He came out and told us that she had scarlett fever and must be kept isolated for a few weeks.

Gwen nodded and she knew that there was a spare room in the back of the house, and Gwen helped the beauty to that bed. The beauty was given some medicine to help lower her fever.

She was sweating and she was so tired and in pain. It broke my heart to see her in such pain.

Gwen, Sue and Betty helped the beauty with her food and hygiene needs. I was not allowed to be anywhere near her, due to it spreading. Gwen, Sue and Betty wore masks to keep it from spreading, and surprisingly they didn’t it.

In a few weeks, beauty recovered. She thanked us and of course, we were happy to have helped.

Late 1945

When beauty arrived to Mable’s house, the beauty, for the first time in her life, finally got “beauty” sleep.

After beauty arrived at Mable’s home, Mable looked at the beauty and thought to herself- “We need to make this child over!”

Beauty was NEVER UGLY, SHE WAS GORGEOUS! But, before she arrived to Mable’s- she wore a lot of dresses that were from “thrift” stores or if Gwen lent her one. To Mable, who was more part of high society, that- wasn’t “good enough.” So, Mable took the beauty and took her to get new clothes, that actually fit her- got her hair perfect (since her hair was naturally curly, she was taught on how to manage and take care of her curls), nails done and new shoes, and my god, what a DIFFERENCE — SHE LOOKED EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL!

July 1945

Beauty met Mable’s son, Joshua or “Josh”. He was very kind and he was married. Josh, I guess took over the job that her late husband had.

He was very well off, and his wife, Kelly was also very kind. She wasn’t from Texas, she was from the North, as far as I knew. Never really met them?

She wrote me her first of many letters:

“Dearest Billy,

I love it here. I have my own room, and I don’t have to lock it.

I have a beautiful bed with warm sheets and a beautiful cover up. Miss Mable is so nice and kind and she gives me lots of hugs and she tucks me in almost every night, if I hadn’t fallen asleep already! Her son Joshua is very kind and so is his wife! She is not from Texas, she is from up north, so Miss Mable teases her sometimes and calls her a “yankee!” Which I think is funny! I am able to be part of their events and Mable has taken to me quite a bit. I really love it here, and I thank God every day that Phil and Gwen got me out! Please tell them thank you!

I miss you, but I know you’ll hopefully to get to visit! Anyways, I send you my love- A”.

February 1946

Beauty told me that she had a lovely dinner with Mable. Mable took her out to a lovely restaurant, and she couldn’t tell me what it was called.

Mable looked at the beauty, who at the time was now wearing according to Mable, “nicer” clothes.

She was trying to make sure that she “acted” like a lady. She wanted to be one, a woman of society.

I loved that about her. She is the woman that I wanted, and had wanted for a long time.

She told me she ate a steak for the first time.

“Billy! My god! STEAK!”

The Real Alisha

June 1946

Beauty understood that she was now a woman of “high society” — and she was “learning” to talk like a woman of “high society” too. It was interesting, when I first met her- the accent that she had, was southern, obviously, but was very, very, “hick” — let me explain.

When I first met her, she said words like “ain’t” or “writin’,” she sounded very, very country. But when Miss Mable got ahold of her, she said words like “writing” or “Is not!”

But when I saw her, when I did, she was a “changed woman”- the woman that she wanted to be. She loved the “high” life- and believe me, she was greatly part of it.

But when that damn demon decided that he would try to attach himself to her, things got a little sticky.

First off, she was “committed” to me, and second, she had already her go-round with priests and believe me, she didn’t want any part of them.

But, this man, as I can recall, he was a little shorter than I was (at the time, in 1946, I was about 6'4. By the time I turned 30, I stood 6'5–6'6).

When I was able to visit, I was able to get us a room at some hotel, and for the love of God, I can’t recall what it was called.

We had a lovely dinner at some diner, and then I took her to the hotel room. She showered and I waited for her to get out. She came out, in a towel, looking sexy as all get out, and her curls were even curlier.

She slowly undid the covers and the sheets and got in, with the towel on. It was really the first time I had seen her skin, not battered or torn and my god she was turning me on so much.

I took off my shirt and I undid my pants and I laid down next to her.

She began kissing me and I couldn’t help it but kiss her back. We had sex, but I didn’t push myself in her that time, that was not until later.

After we did that, she laid in my arms.

“Billy, what do you look for in a woman?” She asked. I asked her what she meant.

“Well, with me, for an example, what do you like about me? Don’t say my body, I hate it when men say, I have a nice body and a lovely figure!” She says. Actually the thing that I really loved about her .. was her voice.

“Well, you’re gonna find this a bit odd,” I said.

“Ok.. well talk!” She said. I took a deep breath and I said:

“I love the way you sound,” I replied.

She threw her head back and began to laugh!

“WHAT? That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard! You are an interesting man Billy Henderson!” She said.

I blushed. But I knew that she thought I was crazy.

I cuddled her in my arms and she said:

“Why don’t you stay here forever?”

I wished I could, believe me, I would have moved there to be with her, if it weren’t for my job, travelling every week!

“Are men hurting you?” I asked. I had a feeling of who it might have been, but I wanted her to tell me.

“No.. just one man in particular,” She said, her head on my chest.

I had a feeling..the demon..

“Is it that man?” I asked. She nodded.

“Is he touching you?” I asked, my blood felt more full than ever.

She shook her head.

“No, he just tries to, but it kinda makes me uncomfortable, because he’s always wantin’ to be with me alone, or just wanting my body, I don’t know, it’s odd,” She said. Now I knew that man’s intentions, but I didn’t know at that time, of how much of an issue he would really become.

It seemed to me that sometimes, when I look back on this time in my life, I realized, that I could not always save people, and really, I did everything I could to save her.

July 1946

It appeared to me that Amarillo can get really really hot during the summer, and beauty was able to go swimming and enjoy ice-cream. I got some telegrams from her but I wasn’t able to see her during that month.

I think she enjoyed her first 4th of July in a safe home.

I had a dream that night, of her holding our first child, but sadly, she would never hold our child or any child of her own for that matter .

I know that beauty enjoyed the lovely weekends with Mable’s kin and enjoyed the love that Mable’s family gave her, as much as I did.

I think that when the beauty got to wear a top that almost resembled a “Crop” top, but it seemed to show some skin, she wore it with some shorts, and some sunglasses, seemed to turn on the demon, who was watching her outside, eating an ice cream cone, and just sitting on the stairs of Miss Mable’s home.

The demon decides he is going to say “Hello” to the beauty, but how is he going to attach himself to her, without worrying her?

Beauty was smart and she kinda already knew the demon’s intentions.

“May I join you?” He asks. She looks up at him and says, “It’s a free country.”

He sits down with her and looks at her eating the ice cream. For some strange and odd reason, it turned him on like you wouldn’t believe- and I really wasn’t sure why?

He begins to talk, and I am not sure why he does anyways, when it went in one of her ears and out the other.

“So, how have you been enjoying the summer?” He asks, trying to start a conversation with her.

“Oh! I love it! I love July! Best time of the year for me!” She says.

He smiles and asks her why.

“Well, I love being able to go swimmin’ and I love runnin’ in the forest and seein’ all the animals! I also love the sunsets!” She said.

She got up and said, “Well, I gotta go! Bye!”

She walked away, eating her ice cream.

August 1946

Beauty was slowly getting used to Mable’s way of life.

Mable, taught Beauty to be a “Lady” and that meant talking like one! When I met her, she was educated, but she didn’t sound it. She only went to school up until the 8th grade, that’s what she told me. One night, she got up her courage and asked Mable for something she desperately wanted: She wanted to be more educated. Mable was delighted and hired a private tutor for her. She hired a man, who was not from the south at all, named Mr. Pinon. Pinon was a man, who was not much taller than her, he was about in his late 30’s and he had just graduated from Harvard.

He had soft blonde hair and soft hazel eyes. He always wore suits and was extremely educated, as far as Beauty knew.

Not many people knew this, but Beauty, couldn’t really read well, but she did know how to read, but she didn’t really read out loud very well. Today, people would have thought, because she only had an 8th grade education, that she didn’t know how to read and write: She did- she wrote very beautifully, but her reading, was at a 3rd grade reading level, which meant, yes she could read chapter books just fine, but she sometimes didn’t understand what “big” words meant.

Let me give you an example: She didn’t know what the word, “superfluous” meant. She’d look at me when I said “big” words and would say “what?”

She was trying to be more educated. In reality, she was trying to get her G.E.D- which is what I got. I will admit, I was a drop out too, but I was a 9th grade drop out. There was nothing those teachers could teach me that I didn’t already know. Beauty wasn’t like that. She told me that she didn’t want to leave school, she WANTED to go TO HIGH SCHOOL! She dreamt of it and now, techinally, she was able to!

Mr. Pinon was nice, and as she told me, he was a man of incredible patience. He taught her everything: from reading- to mathematics, to science and history. She wanted to LEARN EVERYTHING. That’s the thing about beauty that was so well.. beautiful- she was eager to learn everything, she questioned everything and wanted to know more about the world and to me, that was beautiful.

She told me that she was studying quite hard and she wanted to do well.

Mr. Pinon liked her, but to be blunt, he wasn’t a threat, and she wrote to me about why he wasn’t:

“Dearest Billy, I am studying so much and learning so much!

Mr. Pinon is really kind, but he’s not lookin’ at me that way! I think he sees me as a friend, which is great, but he hasn’t asked me out on a date, which is even better! He is so nice, and gentle, and he can sense sometimes my frustration at things, but he’s always kind.

He’s not touchin’ me, or lickin’ his lips at me. He is very kind and he has taken me for lunch, but he never touches my legs, which is great. He looks at me, and asks me what I want to do when I am much older? He asks me my age. I told him I just turned 19, and he says, ok, well, what do you wanna do? I said, I might wanted to be a teacher, or something? I wasn’t sure! He said I’d make a great teacher. I asked him what it was like to go to college? He said, well, it’s interesting, it’s a lot more learning. I told him I’d like to go! Could I get in with a G.E.D? He said, OF course! College -there’s so much opportunity! I asked him if he was married? No- not yet. Was he engaged? No. He said that he enjoys the company of both sexes. Interesting I thought, hmm. I told him about you, and he said, “Ah, a railsman! How wonderful!” I miss you, but Mr. Pinon has been a wonderful teacher and I am learning so much more about the world! Hope to see you soon! Love- A.”

I had come up to visit her for a few days. I was helping her wash the dishes. When I look back on this argument, I will say that I was in the wrong.

I was asking her about her lessons, and she told me about her plans about her education.

“College? Why would you wanna go to College?” I asked.

She stopped drying the dish that she was holding.

“Because I wanna make something of myself,” She said. I tried not to smirk or to laugh.

“Why are you laughin’. ’” She scowled. I couldn’t help but give her an “I don’t know” look .

“I want this education!” She said. I started drying a plate.

“For what reason, so you can fuck this man?” I snarled. She stopped washing the dishes and looked at me and looked furious at me.

“WHAT?” She asked. I looked at her seriously.

“I mean isn’t that what you’re goood at? Fucking men?”

She looked at me with those blue eyes and I could see them grow angry. Now, looking back on this, I knew I was acting like an asshole and to be blunt, that’s one of my regrets.

“Wow, you’re just layin’ it on thick aren’t you?”

“You say this man went to college.. Harvard.. was it?” I asked.

“Yes, and I don’t know much about it, but I think it’s great, he got to go to college,” She said.

“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE HARVARD IS? IF YOU WERE SMART ENOUGH, YOU’D KNOW THAT!”

Now, when I said this, I kinda screamed it at her. But sometimes, I forget that she was not raised like I was. She was not given the opportunity to enjoy her life, or really, get to do what she wanted. She didn’t have a mother, and she didn’t exactly have a father either. She had a brother who used her for sex, and that was it and nothing else. But she was the most determined woman I had ever met, or even at that point, was to meet.

She just stared at me, her eyes filling up with tears.

She didn’t say anything. I then realized what I said next, would pretty much foreshadow her life:

“YOU’LL NEVER GO TO COLLEGE BEAUTY! YOU DON’T HAVE THE SMARTS OR THE BRAINS FOR IT!”

Then I said the final thing and I never should have said this:

“YOU’LL BE NOTHING MORE THAN A PROSTITUE!” She slapped me hard, it was a knee-jerk reaction. I deserved it.

She was angry and I don’t know if you know this, but beauty had a temper, like you would not believe, you’d think that she was half-Irish, which I don’t know if she was?

She was so upset — that she just said, “Why? Why do you think I’m not worth nothin? Do you really think that’s all I’m good for? I want a LIFE! I want to be EDUCATED! Sorry, if you think YOU’RE ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY CAUSE YOU THINK YOU’RE SO GODDAMN SMART! YOU DROPPED TOO! YOU DROPPED BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO ! I DROPPED BECAUSE I HAD TO! I DIDN’T WANT TO LEAVE SCHOOL! I LOVED IT! I LOVED LEARNING AND I STILL DO! SORRY, IF THAT SEEMS BENEATH YOU! IF THAT’S THE CASE, YOU CAN LEAVE MY 300 DOLLAR TIP AND GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASS ON THE WAY OUT!”

Then she ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door. I knew I could be a prick and unfortunately, looking back on this particular conversation, I was in the wrong. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to be educated. She was very different than me and my wife, whom I married much later, Barbara. My wife hated school, but she graduated from high school the right way. Beauty didn’t get that chance. She was forced to drop out of eighth grade, and NEVER step foot in a high school, though she dreamed about it! Now, Miss Mable was giving her the chance to get educated and I.. was shaming her for making something better of herself. Why was I like that? I don’t know?

I knew I was self educated, and I knew that I was “brilliant” in terms of smarts, but in women’s common sense, sometimes, as my granddaughter would say, “Not the brightest light in the theater!” I would agree. I knew at that time, I was envious, but I didn’t know why I was like that to her? She didn’t deserve it. I went outside and I didn’t tell her I was leaving.

I cried on the train all the way home, knowing that I had hurt her so badly.

When I got back to Worth, I went home and went into the backyard and started beating the hell out of wood.

It must have been loud, for I woke up Phil.

“What the hell are you doin’ son?” He asked. I was upset. He just knew.

“What the hell did you say to her son?” He asked. I told him quickly.

“GOD DAMMIT SON! You gonna lose her!”

Yeah, I thought I already had.

“You fucker! If you don’t want her, Dan can gladly have her,” Phil said. I shook my head.

“Do you love this woman?” He asked. I did, but I didn’t know if I could tell him?

“DO YOU LOVE THIS WOMAN? YES OR NO? It’s a simple question son!” Phil asked.

“I LOVE HER! Now, because of my ass, I lost her!” I screamed.

“Then- TELL HER! Tell her how you feel! Tell her what you love about her, and if you say her breasts, I’ll slap you silly!” He said.

“I don’t love her for that! I love her for- her heart!” I screamed.

“Then goddammit son, do somethin’ about it!” Phil replied as he told me to come inside.

I began drafting a letter, and I did send it to her.

I managed to sneak back to Amarilla, to see if she got it, and she did. She opened it and read it. I could see the tears in her eys when she read my words of how much I loved her.

I called the house and she answered.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Beauty, it’s.. it’s me,” I said. She sighed.

“What do you want Billy?” She asked, in disgust.

“Did you get my letter?” I knew she had.

“Yes..yes I got it,” She said.

“Did you read it?” I knew that too- she did.

“Yes.. I read it and my God- I.. where are you?” She asked.

I hung the pay phone and walked to the house, which was really across the street. I rang the doorbell and she answered.

“May I come in?” I asked. She nodded and I came in.

“Beauty, I’m sorry, I.. I’m really proud of you for gettin’ this education! I really am,” I replied. She looked at me with those hypnotic blue eyes.

She sighed.

“Billy, don’t ever use my past against me, ever! I didn’t ask for it!” She replied.

“I know you didn’t, and I’m asshole for bringing it up!” I replied. She came closer to me and she looked up at me. She slapped me hard.

“That’s for being one,” She replied with a smirk and then a smile. I will admit, as weird as this is gonna sound, I was turned on by that slap, or it was because she was wearing such a beautiful goddamn dress, that showed some breast, and my god, a man like myself, would do whatever she asked of me. I nodded.

“Yes ma’am,” I replied. I took her in my arms and I kissed her.

A few days after I left, she was sitting in the park, reading and studying. She was ALWAYS wanting to learn, and wanting to be educated. I never met a woman who LOVED LEARNING as much as SHE DID. She was studying something, but the demon shows up.

“Well, hello!” He says. She looks up at him and she is annoyed already.

“Well..well… a woman who reads!” He said. She took a deep sigh and said,

“Ohh.. look, it’s a man, whose stickin’ his nose in a woman’s business when she didn’t even ask for it!”

One thing I knew about my girl, she was so sassy and she had an attitude! Don’t let her beauty fool you!

“Well.. what are you doing?” He asked, as he sits next to her.

She is reading something for the test.

“What are you doing?” He says as he tries to touch her her curls. She moves.

“Look Father, I’m really not in the mood! I’m busy!” She said.

“What are you reading?” He asks.

“Really none of your concern!” She replies as she scoots away from him.

She was reading an Algebra book.

“Math?” He asked. She turned to look at him.

“Father! I’m really not in the mood and I need to study! So you can leave me alone! Go fuck someone your own age!” She said as she got up and left him.

She kept taking her “lessons” and then she went to take the test. It was a long test for her, but I’ll tell you what? She had an AMAZING MEMORY- so much so, that she retained all the information that she learned and GUESS WHAT? Like me, PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS! She was so excited and she sent me a quick telegram to call her. I did.

I recall that conversation well.

“Billy, I’ve got news!” She said. I didn’t want to “See it” — I wanted her to tell me!

“So.. did you pass?” I asked. I had feeling she did, but again, I wanted her to tell me.

“Hmm..” She said, and I thought she didn’t pass.

“Oh..I’m sorry beauty!” I said. She laughed a little bit.

“BILLY! NOT ONLY DID I PASS, I GOT A HIGH SCORE! 98%!” She screamed. I was SO PROUD OF HER! I saw her taking the test. She took her time and she recalled everything she had learned. I told her to tell Miss Mable. She said she was going to when Mable came back from some errand.

She was so excited.

“I am A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!” She yelled. I knew she could do it!

Later that month, I had come back for a visit. I had visited her, and we had the house to ourselves (I guess the family went somewhere and she wanted to stay, due to my visit). She cooked me a lovely pasta dinner if I can recall.

We then made it to the bedroom. Now, I know what you’re thinking. We didn’t go there right away.

We actually laid there on her bed and she talked a lot. But, she always noticed, that I didn’t say much- which I didn’t- because I usually have nothing to say or anything at all.

“Look, what do you like talkin’ about?” She asked. Frankly, I didn’t like it when I talked, because I really had nothing to talk about? I guess that’s why I didn’t talk as much as people wanted me to, back then. I talk now, because world events occur almost every day, but back then, the war ended and there was nothing more to talk about, other than the picture stars, which she so loved.

Well, then, yes, you guessed it, we began kissin’ and one thing lead to another.

When we were done, she laid there with me, and she said, “Go on, talk.”

I looked at her in confusion.

“Huh?”

“You good at other things, but I want you to talk! Oh by the way, I won!” She said. The woman was confusing me, and I know she didn’t speak any other language but English, so I had to get some clarification.

“Won? Won what?” I asked.

“Your sisters and I made a bet before I left that I could you into bed, I’d get 100 dollars,” She said. Of course, those girls, always making bets against me!

I kiss her, and I said, “Well, you better write them and tell them to charge you more.”

She laughed at me.

“Billy, I think you’re the first and only man I’ve slept with that I’ve liked, maybe even love,” She said. I knew she loved me, but I loved her more.

A few weeks later, I got a letter from beauty and I don’t have the phyiscal letter anymore, but I recalled what it said. Now, back then, a lot of people were very racist, and beauty, wasn’t. I wasn’t either, but lemme tell you something about beauty: Do not let that woman’s beauty fool you! She may look gorgeous, sexy as all get out, but I promise ya, that woman could sass any one, man or woman. In this case, she showed what kind of woman she was: A woman that believed that ALL HUMANS HAD RIGHTS AND DIGNITY, something that this world, could learn today.

She wrote:

Dearest Billy, I got somethin’ to tell you, and I guess you’ll probably be surprised at me, but I’m not. I’m not sorry for what I’m about to tell you.

On Monday, Mable asked me to go to lunch with some girls who were the daught ers of some friends that played bridge with her. Now, I’m not a bridge player, and I never will be, but I said of course, as Mable has done so many things for me already. I think that Mable wants me to make new acquaintances, as she saw that I was cooped up reading a book (which I prefered anyways), but I degress, here we go.

I went out to lunch to a very fancy place, god only knows what it was called, I didn’t pay attention to what it was called. Mary Belle Sheriden was the leader of this group. She may look nice, the pin rolled curly hair that was blonde and she had the green eyes that looked dirty, which in my mind meant, she was spolied rotten. The other girls that joined were Amelia Stevens, another blonde, who had short hair and she kind of had these weird crooked teeth, you think her father, being a dentist, and her mother, being a socialite, they’d get that fixed, but anyways, she was laughing at everything. Then, finally there was Clara Belle Wilson, a girl who had brown hair, but almost looked red, maybe auburn? She had hazel eyes and believe me, she looked like a follower, not a leader. The girls were all talkin’ about men and money, and I just sat there sippin’ on my lemonade trying to block it all out. God, these girls sounded annoyin’! UGH! Billy, how could any man deal with women, that talk like that!? Anyways, our waitress was named Maria (I know this cause I looked at her tag) and she was black. I don’t know why people say black ain’t beautiful, because she was gorgeous. She looked like though she had dealt with the stupidity of white folks all day, especially with white women. As she was attendin’ to us, they were rude and ignorant, not one ‘thank you’ or ‘yes please’ or any manners for that fact. That made me so angry. They were changin’ their orders and how they wanted their food. My god! When Maria came over to me, she was nervous and I could sense, and yet, our eyes locked and I think she realized I wasn’t that kind of woman. I told her what I wanted, and I said she didn’t have to change anything, and maybe bring some humble pie, cause some women needed to have it shoved in their faces and choke on it! I also said thank you. After Maria left, Amelia laughed and said “You must be joking!” I looked at Amelia, and I said, “Maybe somebody needs to be choked on humble pie!” Amelia went quiet. Then the girls began to talk about different men, and they thought they’re gonna marry, and I’m just thinkin’ get me outta here! Anyways the food comes and they’re just as rude and nasty as they were earlier, but not me though. I am really upset, I can barely eat, but I saw a starving child outside, whom they ridiculed earlier and I felt compelled to give my food to him. I ate a little bit. When they asked me about what man I liked, I told them I had a man, who worked hard for his money. Mary Belle looked at me in shock. She asked for clarity. I told her that he (you) were not born with a goddamn silver spoon in his mouth and he earned his, he didn’t inheirt it. They all kinda laughed at me. (Turn Page over!) I wasn’t laughing, I meant it. But anyways, I continue. When everyone was done, and I got my food wrapped up for the child outside ( my mind was still on the child outside), the girls wouldn’t give a tip to Maria, wrather, they just threw slurs at her. I pulled out my pocket book and handed her 200 dollars and said, “Here, for the table.” I handed it to her. The girls looked at me in disgust and horror! My god Billy, I have just committed murder! She couldn’t believe her eyes. “Thank you ma’am!” She said as she left. Mary Belle was very disgusted now. “My god! Why? She’s a negro!” My blood boiled. Fuck this Billy! I’m so tired (turn the page over!)-

I slammed my napkin down and said, “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH Y’ALL? She’s a HUMAN, JUST LIKE YOU AND ME! MY GOD, I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DINE WITH YOU FUCKS!” The other girls stared at me in horror and couldn’t believe such talk came out of my mouth! I got up, grabbed my food and wanted to find Maria. I found her in the corner, using a phone. She was frantic. She was in need of money, or she’d be homeless. She then looked at me and was scared. “Can I help you ma’am?” I asked her how much money she needed? “I need at least 200 more dollars, or I’ll get evicted! (I’m not sure what that means!) I had recalled when I needed help. I told her what you told me, “You’d do me one better.” I pulled out my pocket book and, managed to pull out 600 dollars, and handed it to her. She was scared at first to take it, but I said to take it. She was so overcome with joy. She told me she had a son who was 4 years old and her husband died a few months before. Her mother-in law was helping her watch the child while she had a waitressing job. I told her I was so sorry for the girl’s behavior and how no one deserved to be treated like that. She said, “ I wish there were more people like you!” She said, as she began to cry. I told her, don’t worry, one day she will be able to feel more freedom. I learned that day Billy, America is not really for anyone, unless they’re white- that ain’t right!

(Turn page over again! Sorry, this is gonna be long!) Anyways, I walked outside and I gave the child my food (It was a turkey Club sandwhich) and he was so happy! I walked home. I was asked by Kelly how the lunch went. I told her, I couldn’t be with… that?! Anyways, went to sleep, didn’t think a moment about it. (Turn page over). That next afternoon, I was visited by Mary Belle herself. Ugh. What did she want? I opened the door. She said that needed to come in and have a talk about my “behavior!” BEHAVIOR? I was confused.

She said that I was never to embarrass her the way that I did yesterday. I said I wasn’t sorry and I’m glad she got a taste of her own medicine. I told her to never treat anyone like that. “Were you raised in a barn?” No I wasn’t.

Then, she wrote in the letter, what I have told my grandchild, quite a few times.

No. But I was raised in Fort Worth and in Fort Worth, we do things differently there. I will put that boot up your ass, don’t think I won’t!

She continued the letter:

Mary Belle huffed at me. I told her that I would not allow her to talk to anyone like that! I care about all walks of life! Why the hell do you have to treat people like shit, just because they’re not white!? My god, you’re a piece of shit! Why don’t you try eating some humble pie and chokin’ on it! I yelled this at her and I wasn’t sorry. She huffed at me and she slammed the door. Mable heard my conversation, and she wasn’t mad at me at all. Well, that’s all I know! Love- A”

September 1946

Beauty tried to avoid the demon, sadly, that was hard.

He was at the house one night, and Mable, who always had her reservations about him (thank god!), tried to tell her son, Joshua to stay close to the beauty. Joshua noticed that the demon was trying to get close and when beauty went upstairs to change, the demon slipped upstairs, but no worries, Joshua was quicker. The Demon tried to crack open her bedroom door, but Joshua, the man of the hour, managed to shut it and question him.

“What do you want from her? She has a man, you fucking prick!” He said. Joshua, I never knew personally, but I only heard good things about him.

His wife, Kelly seemed to be fond of the beauty, which I guess was a good thing? Joshua seemed very protective of the beauty, just like I was.

He was- at that time, 29. from what I understood. He was a little older than the beauty, but he wasn’t attracted, and if he was, he wouldn’t tell Kelly.

David, was just like Joshua, just as kind. David was married to Marion, and from my understanding, Marion liked the beauty’s eyes, which I loved too.

Marion was from Colorado, so neither wife was from Texas, which was funny.

The girls, both adored the beauty, with no jealousy.

When the beauty went to Church, she met some very nice rich men and most of these men, I felt, were scum bags, looking at the beauty for sex.

She knew it too, and she would tell them that she had me, because techinally she did have me.

A man named John Luke, he met her at the church and said he wanted to take her to a picture and dinner. John Luke- from what I saw, was blondish-brunette and had brown eyes and always seemed to dress like he wore big name brands. Let me be more specific, his suits, were literally custom tailored.

She feels almost obligated to go.

She does. She wears a beautiful red dress that is knee length and she wears those gorgeous white high heels and that new red lipstick that she told me about, and her hair was so beautiful. Not a lot of people really know this, but beauty’s hair was NATURALLY CURLY. Her curls were so pretty and she sometimes was ok with her curls. Her hair was just soft all the time.

She went to a lovely diner, and she couldn’t really tell me what it was called, but she told me that he did everything to get his hand under her dress. She couldn’t really stop him. She said, she was having flashbacks of her time at Home in Worth (Fort Worth).

Now, we’d call that PTSD, but the name wasn’t that back then.

After dinner, she went to the picture with him. She told me that she saw a film — which she couldn’t recall, but she said, she was too busy looking at his hands on her legs. She got up and said, “Sorry, I think I should go.” She got up and walked out of the theater. He, of course, followed her.

“HEY! Wait!” He said. She turned around.

“Look, John, you seem very nice, but I think I better go!” She says, but he grabs her wrist.

“Alisha! Come on baby, I want to do more with you!” He said. She had fear in her eyes. She knew what that meant: SEX.

“Umm, John, I really think I should go,” She said, as she tried to get away from John Luke. He pulls her closer.

“Come on, I’ll take you back to my place!” He says. She shakes her head.

“No, thank you!” She says, as she tries to get him off her.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He yells. She stops fighting and says, “Ok, I’ll go.” She is and she looks defeated. He leans in, close to her ear, and whispers,

“Good girl.” She walks with him to his car and gets in.

They drive to a very nice apartment complex. She got out and knew she was going to regret it. They walked to 3B-and he opened the door.

He had a very nice apartment, but he was rich, so what else could I say?

She walked in and knew she was pretty much “screwed”.

He said, “Why don’t you sit down baby? I’ll get you something to drink?” He said, as he walked to his kitchen.

“No thank you, I don’t drink, I’m 19, I’m too young anyways,” She replied. Beauty, in her 21 years of life, NEVER TOUCHED A DROP OF LIQUOR!- EVER!

She sat down on his red velvet couch. He came back and took off his suit jacket, and sat next to her on the couch.

“You’re STUNNING! You know that?” He said, touching her hair. She tried not to vomit. She felt like she was going to.

“Please..can you take me back home?” She tried to say.

“What? We just got here!” He said, putting his arm around her. She didn’t want any of it. He started kissing her neck, and she was trying not to react to it. She whimpered a little bit.

“God, you’re beautiful and.. . I just want you.”

He was saying, while trying to “turn her on”.

Beauty, I’ll say this, DID NOT LIKE MANY MEN, BESIDES ME.

When you’re sexually abused from the time you were 12, and ‘forced’ to sleep with men, you kinda get the wrong idea about them.

He started unzipping her dress. Her eyes filled up with tears.

“STOP! She screamed and got up. Many men, especially those who were rich, and privileged, didn’t fully understand why beauty didn’t want to engage in sex. I mean, she was an ATTRACTIVE woman and she had those beautiful hypnotic blue eyes, and my god, her body, was sexy and my god, she turned men on, like a lightbulb, and that included me.

Jesus, but my god, John Luke, was one of those men, who CLEARLY did not understand a woman’s trauma, especially hers. She didn’t want to tell him, because he went to the Church and plus, he was a pretty big deal in society.

She tried to look for the door, but she was too scared to really move.

He got up.

“Honey, baby!” He said, as he got up.

“Please..please don’t touch me! I don’t wanna get raped!” She cried as she moved a litte more back. He was taken aback by that word.

“WOAH! WOAH! NO! Like! NO! I just wanna -” He says as he’s trying to move closer to her.

“Make love with me? As you can see, CLEARLY, I’m not wantin’ it! I don’t want it!” She yells, she is really beginning to cry.

“Hey! Baby! It’s ok! Shhhh,” He said. One thing I knew about beauty, is that she absolutely HATED BEING SHUSHED, ESPECIALLY BY MEN. Men had said that to her- usually to get her to stop screaming- or crying, or BOTH. She shook her head and sadly, she had backed into the wall, and he stood in front of her. She was trapped and sadly, she knew it.

“Baby, have you never been on a date?” He asked. In reality, beauty had never been on a “proper” date, aside being with me, so I guess- maybe yes?

She didn’t reply.

“Do you not like men?” He asked. She looked at him, and she was angery.

“I do ! Very much!” She replied.

“Then why don’t you FUCK ME?” He asked her, leaning closer to her face.

“I don’t want to, thank you! I have a boyfriend!” She says. He licks his lips at her, something that she also hated.

“Take your dress off,” He commands. She shakes her head.

“Take it off, or I’ll take it off myself,” He whispers. She has heard these words before, and I’m sure she had a horrible flashback.

She tries not to cry, as she felt his hand moving up her breast.

She is trying to breathe through a panic attack. She has enough strength to kick him hard in the shin and run out of the apartment.

She runs down the stairs, and she runs out into the street. Sadly, the demon saw her running and she ran into him, literally.

“Oh! I’m sorry..I .. oh,” She said, as the demon held her in his clutches.

“Why, hello! I didn’t expect to see you out so late!” He said. She was out of breath, and really didn’t want to deal with him.

“Oh! I was just on my way home!” She said.

“ Your evening didn’t go so well?” He said. She didn’t really want to tell him at all.

“Well, kinda, I .. I really have to go, Father, it was nice seein’ you!” She said, but he grabs her arm, and tries to hold her.

“Why don’t I take you home?” He asks, and she starts to struggle to be let go.

“No.. no, it’s fine, thank you though!” She says.

“It’s ok, it’s ok- SHHHHHH,” He said, trying to calm her and there it was, the noise she absolutely hated. She manages to get out of his grasp.

“FATHER! I’ll be fine! Thank you!” She said as she was going to walk away, but he stands in her way.

“No really, I insist, I should walk with you or I could drive you,” He says. Beauty knows she has no choice. She rolls her eyes.

“Fine, you may take me home,” She says. He smiles at her and she notices that his teeth, almost look like shards, they are sharp and as she wrote and said, “Evil.” She swallowed and walked with him to a station wagon and got in- not the front, but in the back seat. She looked at him in the rearview mirror, the same look she would give him, when he dies..more on that later. .

When she arrived home, she quickly got out of the car and ran into the house .

A few weeks later, both Marion and Kelly were visiting. Beauty was happy to see both of them, as the feeling was extremely mutual.

They were making some food for lunch- when Marion begins to talk about the holiday plans.

“So, what are you doing for Christmas?” Frankly, beauty was hoping she could again spend Christmas with Mable and her family.

“I.. I don’t know, I don’t have any plans,” She said.

Marion looked at Kelly and Kelly nodded with a smile.

“Well, why don’t you celebrate it with us, in Dallas?” Marion said. Beauty smiled and agreed.

That evening, beauty went out with David, Marion, Joshua and Kelly. They went to some Italian place and there were lot of other people, around the ages of Kelly, Marion, David and Joshua.

There were lots of joking, laughter and then one man, who was blonde said- “Hey! Joshua! Davey! Where did you get that beauty?!” The man meant the beauty. She tried not to make a sour face.

“She’s our sister,” David said. That was the first of many times that David or Joshua would refer to the beauty as.

“Well, let’s see if we can guess how much she weighs?” Another man said. Now, I know what you’re thinking: This sounds very degrading! It was then as it is now.

But the girls looked at their husbands and their friends and knew that they couldn’t say much . Beatty just swallowed her pride and thought “I guess I’ll have no choice.”

One of the men, who I don’t even know his name asked beauty to come over to him and she did .

He picks her up and he tries to guess. Now beauty was never a heavy person . As I learned later – she had a food intake disorder that made her very sick and she could barely eat anything at all.

“My guess is 90 pounds !” The man said as he put her down . Another man decided he’d join in – and the wives were not happy about this ..

The man who picked her up next tried to guess, and another man told him to pass the beauty to him.

Marion was furious.

“What the hell are you guys doing?! Passing the girl around like a goddamn rubber ball!” Marion yelled. Beauty tried not to worry about it and she really didn’t like it -but – she didn’t say anything .

She was passed to another man who tried to guess her weight. Beauty did her best to smile and have “fun”- and try to be a good sport . Finally David held my girl . She shyly smiled at him.

One of the men said that they were ready to weigh her!

The men brought her back into the kitchen, where they had some kind of scale, where she could sit on, and David sat her on it. The wives were not thrilled and neither was she.

The men started guessing he weight. They were all wrong. Beauty began realizing that if she wanted David to win, she had to do something about it. She started slipping off her heels and letting them drop to the floor, to help lower her weight. Now, I don’t think anybody knew this, and I think I found out in recent years, but beauty had a food intake problem- meaning, she couldn’t keep food down. It made it look like she had bulimia, but it wasn’t, she just couldn’t keep food down, especially solids. Let me give you an example, she ate a lot of ice cream and soft foods, that’s what she could keep down, so in short, she didn’t weigh all that much, believe me.

She kicked her other heel off her foot and let it fall. The men continued to guess her weight.

David noticed and said, “WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT!” As he picked up both of her shoes.

“THEY WERE ON HER WHEN WE TESTED HER!”

David guessed her weight and he was right: 100 Pounds. That’s all she weighed ( at the time of course!).

One man said that he won and when all the men were leaving, Beauty got David’s attention and she pulled out a little pepper shaker and showed it to him. He was shocked and said, “I WOULDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT IF I WERE YOU!”

They went home.

Later that month

Beauty had offered to take a woman, by the name of Miss Manson’s dog for a walk. One thing I knew about beauty is that she LOVED animals! — Dogs were her favorite, and she always wished she could have one. I don’t believe Mable ever had a dog?

But she went down the street and she walked the dog, I believe it was a golden retriever. She loved dogs so much, and I wished I had given her one.

She was walking the dog, when she bumped into him, the demon.

He was wearing his priest’s clothes and looked at her.

She was wearing a light blue dress, that seemed to show enough skin to turn him on. She wore a little white sweater over the dress.

She wore those lovely white high heels.

“Why hello there!” He said. She stopped walking the dog and tried to play off her fear (for context, I’ve seen her do this before).

“Hi!” She said.

“Well, I didn’t know you had a dog,” He said, trying to sound normal.

“Oh! It’s not mine, I’m just walking a neighbor’s dog!” She said.

“Mind if I join you?” He asks. She is already sick to her stomach, but she smiles and says, “I guess you can! I won’t be walking long!” She says.

They begin to walk. She tried to avoid his eyes.

“So, tell me more about you!” He said. She looked at him, again, she looked so sick to her stomach.

She tried to avoid that question.

“What’s there to tell?” She asked. He tries to get information out of her, but she is not budging.

“Look, I would like to be your friend,” He says, trying to reach for her hand. Beauty turns and faces him.

“Why?” She asks, looking at him.

“Well, I think we’d be better acquaintances if we did! That way, if you need anything- you can come to me,” He said, trying to hypnotize her.

It’s obviously not getting to her mind, because she flips her hair and says,

“Look, Father, I appreciate the notion, I really do, but I’m fine, thank you! I also have a man who can take of my needs, but thank you though, I appreciate the thought!”

She smiles that gorgeous smile, and she said, “Bye!”

She walked away and she returned the dog to the neighbor.

Later that Month…

The Beauty was walking home from the library. Knowing Beauty, her nose was ALWAYS in a BOOK! She picked up a copy of A Tale of Two Cities, Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol.

Books, she told me she had never read and they were all by Dickens.

She LOVED reading! I knew that, because she used to read to me, if I asked her. She usually read to me, after sex, if she wasn’t tired out.

She had a lovely reading voice. Of course, with that southern drawl and that softness of her voice, you were almost mesmerized by her voice alone, I know I was.

But she loved to read new books and then she would sometimes write down what books she read and what books she wanted to read.

She also LOVED the pictures (movies). She would see one every week. I know when were together, we saw sooo many. She LOVED Darnell (Linda) because she looked so much like her, and my god she really did (if you know who Linda Darnell was, you get the picture!) and she LOVED Granville and she didn’t really think that Turner (Lana) was all that talented.

But we saw a lot of pictures together and I wished we had seen more.

Reading though, was more her thing. Was she ever a writer? I don’t know, but I was the writer, but not by much. That meant, a lot of my “scibbles” don’t exist anymore.

I was seeing her doing some reading in her bed and then she heard the doorbell.

She got up and she went downstairs and she opens the door. Of course, she sighs, cause she sees him: The Demon.

“Fuck,” I heard her sigh. He’s in his Priest’s clothing.

“Well hello! I was hoping I’d see you today,” He said.

“Why?”

“Well, I just thought we could have a chat,” He said.

She looked at him, annoyed and she said, “I’m sorry father, I’ve got a lot of readin’ to do and frankly, I don’t have anything to talk to you about!” She shut the door and locked it. She looked through the peep hole and watched him walk away. She sighed and went back upstairs and went back to reading.

I was always amazed at how ashtonished he was, when she wasn’t heading to his words, falling under his spells and charms- she was better than that! In fact, as she told me, “I find it rather funny, that he keeps wantin’ to leech onto me!”

She would laugh about how he would try to “ask her out,” when she told him that she had a man (me).

She would laugh at the way he would try to “flirt” with her, but she would “brush it off” and she wouldn’t give it another moment’s thought.

It was funny to her, but the sad thing was, he wasn’t joking, he was serious about trying to make her “his”.

Why? He was older, you’d think he’d understand the vow he took as a Priest, right? No, he got into the Priesthood for the WRONG reason. He wanted to abuse young women. He had preferences though.

She had to have these qualities:

• Blue Eyes
• Brown Hair/ Black hair (Curly — if preferably)
• Between the ages of 17–23
• Came from a “Broken Home”..

Now, let us we ponder and think, WHO FITS THE BILL FOR ALL OF THIS?

If you’re thinking -the beauty, you would be correct. She fit the bill for all of it. She was a target, the moment he laid his eyes on her.

The funny thing about him, is that he knew of her before- but never actually knew her name. Let me explain..

The first Priest I beat the hell out of .. was his Uncle! Yeah, that’s a little hard to piece together. I was just as surprised myself when I found out this information, I found that out years later, and believe me, I thought, “Well, I guess those kind of men must run in the goddamn family.” It was kind of off putting if you will, that a man, who was older than your girl, was lusting after her.

Towards the end of the month..

A lot of people don’t know this, or probably will never know, is that beauty’s teeth, at least then.. were not always real. Let me explain. Beauty’s food intake issue, became a real problem that year. She threw up, meaning she vomitted a LOT. Sometimes when you vomit, as often as she did, your teeth can rot, or even fall out. Hers fell out. She would vomit and then when she would eat, sometimes, her teeth would bleed, and then, she’d spit them out.

So.. Mable did take her to the dentist and he said, “ We’re going to have to pull out all your teeth and give you fake ones!” She told me in a letter :

“I’ve lost all my teeth Billy! I have these ones, that I won’t have to brush ever again! They’re literally sown into my mouth! I was put out for a couple of hours, but my god, I have new pearly whites!”

I was able to see said teeth on that next visit.

We got to spend some quality time together. Love Making? Of course that was a must! She was getting better and better, and I could easily make her happy.

After we did our deed, we began talking.

“You know, I really don’t know what I’m going to do with my life,” She said. I looked at her. Her eyes, were really something. To be blunt, I miss those eyes, looking up at me. Those beautiful blues. Mine, were just boring ole brown, but hers, you could just look into them and be lost in them forever.

“Beauty, you’ll do something great, I know it!” I said. She looked over at my suitcase.

“When are you gonna write that great novel?” She asked. I shook my head.

“I don’t write novels,” I said. To be blunt, I was never good at writing long stories, but I was really good at telling them.

“I’m not really a writer, I just scribble!” I said.

“I know you’re a writer, I know you could write about me,” She said. Well, what do you think I’m doing now?

She then told me something I still hadn’t forgotten!

“I got somethin’ to tell ya,” She began.

“Ok,” I said.

“Mable wants to adopt me, leagally!” She said.

“That’s great beauty! Now you’ll actually have a home!” I said.

She looked a little sad.

“There’s only one flaw,” She said. I couldn’t imagine what, but then it hit me.

“She needs a signature on the papers, and you can imagine whose signature she needs!” She said, looking up at me.

Yep, that’s what I thought.

“Ohh,” I said.

“Yeah, and I don’t want to her to contact him,” She said. For context, in the 1940’s, the way adoptions worked, especially when it was in a case like beauty’s, if the parent’s were alive and in this case, beauty had her daddy, he would have to sign off on the papers.

I think it’s that way now, my granddaughter was adopted so, I wasn’t sure on how all that worked?

“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” I asked.

“I tried callin’ him, didn’t get anywhere,” She said.

“It’s ok, you’re still part of the family,” I said. She smiled at me.

“She’s also leavin’ me money,” She said. I looked up at her.

“What? How much?” I asked.

She looked down.

“Guess,” She said.

“100 dollars?” She shook her head.

“200?” She shook her head again.

“1,000?” I asked.

“No,” She said.

“200,000? Beauty, I’m drowing here!”

“300 Million!” She said.

My mouth dropped. 300 Million.

God, beauty, you’re rich! When do you get this money?” I asked.

“When I get married!” She said. I smiled.

“I want to start lookin’ at houses!” She said. I asked her where.

“Maine.”

“Why there?” I ask.

“Cause it’s away from everybody! I want to be by the ocean and falls and the rivers!” She said.

I sighed. Then, I wanted to ask my biggest question.

“Beauty, do you recall your childhood? Tell me about it?” To be blunt with you, I never knew her actual last name, nor did I ever get the last name of the family she was living with.

I didn’t want to see it, I wanted her to tell me.

She looked at me with a strange look.

“What?” She asked. I looked at her. “Tell me about your childhood,” I said.

She sighed as she got herself comfortable.

“Why do you want to talk about it?” She asked. I wanted to know.

“Well, I was just curious,” I say to her. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and my god, it’s like I could see everything.

“Well, I was born,” She began. I nodded .

“Then, mama died when I was 6, and I was off to foster care,” She replied. I knew she had told me once that she was in foster care, but I never knew for how long?

“Do you remember them? I asked. She nodded.

“I never knew their last names, but I remember their first names, John and Eva,” She replied. I slipped my hand over to her arm and I touched it.

Eva was a bit of an older lady, maybe mid 50’s? She had blondish- grey hair and green eyes and she just seemed very sweet. John was dark haired and he had brown eyes and his voice seemed gentle.

“I remember when I was 6, I went to their house, and I was so scared my first night, I cried. I cried so hard, I wet the bed. John had heard me cryin’ and carryin’ on, and he came in, picked me up and took me to the bathroom. He sat me on the toilet seat, that I do recall,” She began to say.

“What’d he do?” I asked. I took my hand off her arm, I wanted her to tell me more.

“He turned on the tub, told me he was takin’ my clothes off, and he put some bubbles in, a ruber ducky and he placed me in the nice hot bath. I was cryin’ and carryin’ on, all I wanted was my mama. He asked me where my mama was? All I could tell me him was that she was with the angels, that’s what I was told,” She replied. I nodded as I came a little closer to her.

“Then, he changed my clothes and he took care of me, they both did. They raised me pratically,” She said.

“Till what age?” I asked. She looked away from me.

“Till I was 11, I turned 12 that summer,” She said. I couldn’t help but feel her heart break.

“They wanted to adopt me, leagally and ..my daddy said no,” She said. She looked sad. I knew her daddy was a selfish drunken man.

“I was so upset and confused on why I was returned to my daddy, when I thought I had my parents,” She said. She looked like she was going to cry.

“When I came home, daddy ignored me, or yelled at me, and Jeremy began hurtin’ me, and that’s my life in a nutshell!” She said.

I wrapped her in my arms.

“I’m sorry beauty,” I whispered. “It’s ok, I have a new family who treat me right!”

December 1946

Beauty’s holidays were about to get “messy.”

She had written me a pretty long letter about an incident, well a couple of them that involved the family that she had an incident with earlier that year: The Sheridens . From what Beauty had written or told me about the Sheridens, is that they were incredibly rich, wealthy and to her, just plain annoying. There was the girl, Mary Belle Sheriden, and then they had a son, Donald (Don). Don, I will say, I’ve never met the man personally, but according to Beauty, was just really plain “awkward, and odd.” He tended to “sniffle” a lot.

In early December, beauty had written me, to tell me about a Christmas “party” or function that she went to .

She wrote:

“Dearest Billy, I’m about to tell you something elese. I’m not sorry for what I did, I just only wished I had more of a gumption to do more damage, but I couldn’t.

So on Saturday, I went to some stupid Christmas party and I had a bit of a tumble. Well, not really a “tubmle,” but some people really, really get on my goddamn nerves! Apparently, me walkin’ in with that red dress that you really liked, you know, the one with the little clevage showing, and those black heels that you like too, I would say I did look nice. When I went with Kelly and and Mable, heads turned as soon as I walked in. I knew I was gonna be a target, but here we are right? Well, I tried to go get some food, when some hungry man comes up to me and starts talkin’ sweet nothin’s. I, of course brush it aside, with a good ol’e slap! He moves and then I get my food. Oh Billy! They had Ham and Turkey for Christmas! I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper ham! But I did learn quickly that wealthy people can’t make a ham for nothin’!

Anyways, I sat down at a table and was about to eat, when she shows up with her little group of snobby women. That woman, Mary-Belle Sheridan. The thought of her just makes me want to throw up! She said to me look what came in the door, and I reply, “Ohh look what the reindeer dragged in, I’m surprised they didn’t knock your heads in when you came in!” Of course, Amelia, the girl I told you about earlier, laughed. That wasn’t supposed to be funny, I meant it. Another girl, named Sheila Robinson looked at me. Sheila’s looks are alrighty, she’ll get a huband, but definitely not for love. Her blonde hair that was braided up, and those green eyes didn’t do her any favors. I know that her family was very wealthy, but she herself, wasn’t all that attractive, but anyways, she said to me that I shouldn’t talk to Mary Belle like that. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry Sheila, she’s just a trollop!” A stand up slowly. “Trollop? I would think that whore and slut would definitely be your more educated choice of words,” I respond back. She told me that she went to such school for girls and that.. and I laughed! I told her that she should know better. She tried to slap me across the face. I instead I shoved her so hard she fell to the floor. I walked away from her. The next day, the Sheridan family came over, and the mother of this girl came over. The woman was named Molly Sheridan. My god, she was just as icky looking as Mary Belle. She had the blonde hair, and the eyes were dirty brown. But it’s ok, no matter. She stormed in this house, actin’ like a damn hooligan! She screams at me to be removed, that I’m a menace to society! Ha! Can you imagine! My behavior needs to be shaped up! Ummm, no? What a rotten woman! Mable said that we should have tea and try to be civil. Marion begins to talk and this woman says, “I wasn’t speaking to you Colorado trash!” My blood Billy began to simmer in my body. “What did you call her?” I ask, as I try to stand up from the couch I was sitting on. Marion is darling, and she tries to calm my nerves. I think she’s fond of me, and I don’t mind if she is. You see Billy, Marion had a hard life like I did. Mable tries to talk to Molly and say that I was not from here and I need to be ‘raised’ better. Mable, I’m 19, not a child, but a woman! Mable invites me to the kitchen to try to help get the tea and the cookies. I suddenly hear “Colorado Trash” again and I am boiled over! I give Mable a kiss and tell her I’m sorry, and I march into the livin’ room and I slap the hell 0utta this woman! My god, I tell her she had better leave before I kill her! Anyways, she leaves and I am sad for Marion. She’s not trash! She’s not! Anyways, that’s all I know here, love — A.”

My god, my beauty was sure finding her voice and skin.

May 1947

Beauty’s work was going well and she was happy. I was able to come up for two weeks to see her. Her hair was a little bit long, but it wasn’t as long as she usually had it. She had it medium length. I was falling more and more in love with her and who wouldn’t?

She tried to feel a little bit better about herself, sometimes, even her, she felt self doubt.

I was able to come visit and we had dinner. It’s hard writing this because sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and the names of places, tend to fade, but the actual memory doesn’t.

She took me to a hotel downtown, and we started kissing and believe me, once you started- it was hard to stop.

Then, I don’t even remember why, we started arguing, and she was saying things and I was responding. Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard the term Mad Sex.

Mad sex, is when you’re so angry, you get turned on.. and that’s what we did. We just stopped fighting and started tearing each other’s clothes off. Soon enough we were fucking the living daylights out of each other and then we forgot what we were fighting about!

Later that night, I noticed she seemed a little flushed.

“You alright?” I asked. She tried to shrug it off.

“I’m..I’m fine, really, I..I’m just a little.. cold?” She replied.

“You wanna a hot bath beauty?” I asked. She tried to say, “No..I’m fine..”

But I insisted .

“There’s nothing that a hot bath can’t fix, according to my mama,” I said. She nodded and whispered, “Ok.” I took her into the bathroom.

Now, back then, at hotels, bathrooms were pretty much “bland.” It wasn’t anything special. You had your tub, usually and a shower head above it. Then you had a sink and a toilet and your towels.

In this particular bathroom, I recall it was white tile all over.

I ran her the hot bath and she felt nervous getting undressed in front of me, which I thought was odd, I had seen her undress in front of me many, many times and I didn’t know what put her off.

She told me to close my eyes so I did and she got into the bathtub.

She loved the hot water. I noticed that she was getting skinner, than “fuller”. I asked if she was ill? She told me she had a problem keeping food down, like she always had. She said something along the lines of “ I don’t have the enzymes to help me digest food so I throw it back up!”

She did say that she was able to keep down things like Milk or ice-cream or anything dairy related, which I thought was good.

She laid there in the hot water, fully exposed, me trying to keep her calm.

“Feel better?” I asked. She nodded.

She sighed a little bit.

I asked her why she was nervous for me to see her undress, I had seen it before, so why the difference?

She doesn’t look at me, rather she looks down at the water.

“I.. I.. I just don’t want you thinking of me that way,” She said. I knew what she was talking about, but I needed to hear it from her.

“I..don’t want you to think I’m you’re slut.”

“You’re not, you’re my woman, and you deserve happiness and I’m gon’ give it to you,” I said.

She sighed.

“What’s really wrong beauty?”

Little did I know that Beauty was under a lot of pressure. She was under pressure to do her best at work, and she did extremely WELL. She was under pressure by Mable, to try to get married and be the best mother.

She was under a lot of stress, from him.

“Is he hurting you?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I stay away, and I don’t go.. I just .. I need a break,” She said, trying not to choke up.

“Beauty, what are you saying?” I asked for clarity.

“I.. just.. I need a break,” She said.

“From what?” I asked.

“Everything,” She said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She sighed.

“I.just.. I need a break, and that includes you, I just need to take a vacation or somethin? I don’t know, I’m just really, really overwhelmed with everything,” She cries. I knew she was trying not to crack.

Sometimes people say that beauty can crack and beauty, was about to crack.

“Where do you wanna go? Do you want me to go with ya?” I asked. She shook her head.

“No, I..I’d rather go with Marion or Kelly or someone, I don’t .. sorry Billy, I just don’t want to go with you, knowing how we are,” She said. I sighed. But I knew that was what she needed.

A few weeks later, I had gotten a telegram that she was going to Sunny O’le California ! I don’t know why she wanted to go without me, but she did.

She did however write:

“Dearest Billy, after a few days on the train, we finally arrived to sunny California. The people here are much more different than there. They dress more nicely. I love the nightclubs and seeing the picture stars! Oh! They are everywhere! I haven’t asked them to sign nothin, but they are so lovely! I was at a nightclub with Marion and Kelly, and there was a man, who told me I should be in pictures! HA! ME? Can you imagine that? ME! Being in pictures? OH MY GOD! NO! I can’t act, I don’t think! But this man said he was a producer from MGM, but I didn’t want to listen, he said, he could make me A BIG STAR! HA! I thought, yeah, I have Linda’s looks, but honestly, I’d rather be with you! We went out to Hollywood and I saw the sign! MY GOODNESS IT’S HUGE! Also, you’ll never guess what happend! I bumped into Linda, when I was coming out of a nightclub. She looked at me in such surprise and asked if I was real? Yes! She was so friendly and so beautiful! It was like, MY GOD, YOU WOULD LOVE HER! Anyways, it’s getting late here, and I want to sleep! Anyways, love you! — A”

For Context, the “Linda” beauty was referring to was none other than actress, Linda Darnell. Linda Darnell (1923–1965), was actually from Dallas, so not too far from us. She was older than both of us, but Beauty and her, looked VERY Much ALIKE!

The thing about beauty, was that she was a little taller than Darnell (this as far as I knew). Beauty stood 5'6, 5'7- so you can imagine, she was a little tall for a girl.

The problem with this, is that sometimes she could have been a target for nappers (kidnappers) or people who want to hurt her.

When she came back, she wrote to me:

“Dearest Billy,

I have come back from my break and while I was away, all I could think about was your body on mine. I miss you. I’m sorry, I just needed time to figure out what matterd most to me, and you matter the most to me. I want you, and I want to see you- A”

She sent the letter to me and on her way home, she was stopped by the demon.

“Why hello,” He said. She looked at him.

“Hello,” She said as she tried to move past him. He stood in front of her.

“Alisha, I want to know something, why don’t you like me?” He asked. Wasn’t it obvious? Beauty didn’t like men who took advantage of her, and frankly, she didn’t like men who raped her, while she was out of it (meaning drugged).

“I..I didn’t say I didn’t like you, I said, I wasn’t interested in you- there’s a difference,” She said.

He got closer to her, and she became uncomfortable.

“I would like to be your friend, Alisha,” He said, reaching for her hair. She moves back.

She is backed against a wall. She knew she was trapped, and she tried to be civilized, but she is scared to death.

“You.. you don’t trust me?” He whispers, trying to get her to fall for his charms, but he is yet stumped again!

“No. No, I don’t,” She said.

He begins stroking her curls. She shakes her head, trying to get him to stop.

“Then, I don’t know what I could do to help?” He replies, looking at her.

She tries to avoid eye contact.

“Help me? How?” She said, looking up at him.

“Well, if you need help with faith, God or even sex?”

She rolled her eyes.

“I don’t need help in those departments thank you and even if I did, I wouldn’t ask you,” She said with a fake smile.

She managed to push him away and walked away.

A few weeks later, beauty was at some BBQ gathering for the Chruch. Luckily, Mable, Kelly, Marion and Joshua were there.

She was enjoying herself, talking with the other women her age. She had on a different kind of dress, one that I wasn’t used to her seeing her wear.

It was a halter dress, and it was nice and sea blue. Her hair was down, but there were a few bobby pins in her hair, pulling some of it back. Her makeup was -to die for and that sweet smile, my god, she was a dream. She wore those white heels, and she was gorgeous.

She was just looking at everyone, and then, out of nowhere, the demon came up behind her and started rubbing her shoulders. It caught her by such surprise. He continues to massage her and she is uncomfortable.

“My goodness! What are you doin’?” She asks, disgusted.

“Just being friendly,” He says, still rubbing her shoulders. She tries to move and leave, but he seems to hold her still.

“Ahh, you’re so tense,” He whispers, trying to keep hearing her little moans, as he rubs her.

“I can imagine.. WHY!” She sneers. She tries to move again, but his claws seems to hold her in place.

He sighs in her ear.

“God, you’re beautiful,” He says.

She rolls her eyes. Finally, Joshua came up and asked beauty if she wanted to go somewhere? She said she would love to and she finally left. She was so relieved.

June 1947

I was able to see her for a few days. We were able to have dinner and when we went back to the hotel that I was staying at, she and I began to talk about something. Sometimes, I get quiet, and I don’t talk. She noticed.

“What’s wrong Billy?” I didn’t say nothing. I told her that nothing was wrong. She continues to badger me and I continue to tell her that nothing is wrong.

“Why are you being so guarded?” She asks. I’m not, but I know that I could be.

“I’m not guarded.”

“What are you trying to protect me from?”

I got a little aggervated.

“I’m trying to protect you from men who are trying to hurt you!” I yell.

“The only person I see you tryin’ to protect me from is you!” That stops me in my tracks.

I looked at her, and her blue eyes meant it.

“Why you puttin’ up white picket fences around you? What do you want?”

I can’t remember what I was holding, but I remember I threw it down and I grabbed her, in such a way that startled her, and scared her.

“NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME AND YOU LISTEN GOOD! I DON’T WANT ANY GODDAMN GROUND FLOORS, AND I DON’T WANT ANY MAN TO COME BETWEEN YOU AND ME, YOU ARE MY WOMAN AND-”

“BILLY! YOU HURTIN’ ME!” She screams at me. Her eyes are filled of tears and she’s scared to death and rightfully so, I’m holding her, and I’m bruising her, she’s already had that. I slowly let her go and she slaps me and again, rightfully so.

“YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME!”

My mind comes back to me, and I’m seeing her clearly now, crying and frieghtened, backed almost against a wall.

“Beauty..”

“DON’T, SAVE YOUR BREATH!” I am shaking, trembling. My god, I.. just .. I could have hurt her. I’ve never hurt a woman, and she’s the reason.

“Beauty, I’m sorry, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

She’s crying and she’s not coming near me.

“You keep away! Don’t you touch me!” She yells at me. I start having flashbacks of my dad, hitting my mom and me beating the hell out of him, at 9 years old, so what can you say, I’m a little shocked.

She’s backed against that wall, and not moving towards me.

“Beauty, I’m sorry-”

“YOU KEEP AWAY FROM ME UNTIL YOU GET YOUR ANGER UNDER CONTROL!” She yells as she grabs her little purse and she ran out the door and slammed it. I run to the window, and I see her walk, fast, tears streaming down her face. I slammed my hands against the wall. The screaming voice of my young mother at the time, was ringing in my ears. My mother, who was being abused by a drunken man, and now I was becoming him. Dammit! I wasn’t going to be. I saw her when she arrived home, and she threw herself on her bed and cried so hard that she almost threw up.

I had the feeling she didn’t want me to call, or send her telegram or write to her. I left her alone.

A few weeks later, we both were standing at a phone (I saw her, but she didn’t see me), and she called me and I told her I was so sorry that I would never, ever, ever hurt her and I wouldn’t- not to any woman.

June 1948

Beauty was returned to me.. dead.

I knew who killed her, and I was angry. I was angry at the fact (this I discovered not too much later), that she was still alive when that demon dropped her out there. She laid there for three agonizing days and nights.

You might have asked, why couldn’t have she tried to run away? She couldn’t, she was convulsing and suffocating on that chloroform drug that he drug her with. She was couldn’t even process if she were alive or dead or not. A man finally picked her up from the place she was dumped, and she died that morning on the way to the morgue. When she arrived to me, she was not decayed in any way.

I didn’t want anyone to touch her, except me.

I carried her dead body to my car, and then I carried her in the funeral home. I managed to get her creamated, and she was spread in a few places in Texas, starting here in Fort Worth.

July 1948

I watched Gwen get married and I was envious — that could have been me with my girl. I watched Phil walk her down the aisle. Who would have walked my girl down the aisle?

I tried not to cry, and I was happy for Gwen. I was happy that she got the life that she wanted.

That night, I couldn’t sleep. I saw her- my love- in a place that I recognized — but she had never been there before. It was a realm that I can’t really explain what it is. I can say this- when people die, like the way she did, they go to a realm first, so their “Spirit” or “ghost” kinda has to figure out where to go.

Sometimes you hear about “Ghosts” haunting a specific place, well, she kinda was all over. I saw her in Fort Worth- at all the places I used to be with her- the Lake- the pictures, by the Cathedral, everywhere. I tried to call out to her, but I know we locked eyes, but I doubt if she realized it was me?

I couldn’t move, I wanted to run to her, but I knew I would run right through her.

July 13, 1948

I saw her- she was down in the realm. She was scared to death. She was yelling for me. “BILLY!” She yelled.

The realm was almost dark, a little bit pitch black, but there is some light in there, but not much. The realm itself is for the ones whose spirits and bodies don’t know where to go, at least not at the time.

She walked among the muddy floor. There’s one flaw about that realm, sometimes the “Bad” can lurk there.

She was walking among the area, she didn’t realize that something slimy that was wrapping around her feet. Suddenly, she was pulled down and she was being pulled somewhere. She screamed and luckily, she managed to grab something, that looked like a knife and she sliced the slimy things. She moved back on the ground, scared to death. Sadly, that wasn’t the end of it. She heard a growl. She looked around, and hoping that I would pop out somewhere to save her. Sadly, to her dismay, I couldn’t. I couldn’t get to her. She heard the growl again and she started running. Unfortunately, when you’re in that realm, there are “monsters”- but they’re hard to explain what they acutally are?

She began running and sadly, she woke up “the monster” and it tried coming after her. She was “grabbed” by one of her legs, by this so called “Monster”- and it bit her on her leg. She of course, screamed in agony.

She yelled for me and the worst part was that I couldn’t help or do anything. I was alive, she was however, not.

She managed to get away, hobbling and the “bite” contained “venom” and she was slowly passing out. She fell to the ground and was screaming for me.

Two dead women saw her, and one picked her up and carried her to their little “underground space” and laid her in a bed.

One managed to get the “venom” out of her.

The problem was-that these “women” were not actual women- they were indeed “demons” -but Beauty was unaware of that, since she was knocked out.

She whispered my name, several times. One of the women said, “She never stops calling for him.”

I slowly closed my eyes and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up and I went to work, I didn’t see her, at least for a little bit.

I was met by Laurie, and he met me -when I was out to lunch by myself.

I was out, getting some BBQ and Laurie showed up.

Laurie, was wearing a very unique suit, topped with a black top hat. The pants he was wearing, were long and brown. I thought, it’s July, it’s hot as hell out here!

“Ellio! Forgive me for not being present! I have news on your dear Alisha!”

I looked at him and I was shocked. I tried to block her out of my mind, trust me, I did.

“What? Where is she?” I asked.

I knew, but I wanted him to tell me where she was.

“She’s in the realms!” He said. I couldn’t understand.

He explained, that each realm, had different “deamons.”

The Realm that she was in now, had two- who disguised themselves as “Women”- they weren’t. He said:

“I had to get out of there! Those “women” turned into demons, wanting to hurt her! I know, I’m breaking all the rules, but I WILL DO ALL THAT FOR HER!” He exclaimed without even blinking.

“Why? Are you.. in love with her?” I asked.

He went red.

“Yes, Ellio, I am, there! I’ll admit! I love Alisha! I’ll do everything and anything I can to protect her from those places!”

I looked at Laurie, he was serious.

“You love..my girl?” I asked. He nodded.

“I’m sorry Ellio, I know she is no longer.. well..I need to do something, I can’t let them devour her!” He said, as he touched my hand, and there, I saw it all- God. She must be so scared!

“Do what you have to do Laurie!” I said.

He tipped his hat and he got up and walked out.

August 1948

The beauty’s ghost was appearing everywhere. I went to my job, and then I would lay after work, thinking about her. How could that man have taken away my love? I did go on a few “blind” dates, but nothing really sufficed. My heart was shattered.

Later that month, I went to see the “Family”- the family who housed her from 1945–1948, Mable’s family and kin.

I had not seen them in a long time. I was angry, and I knew I was. I took a train to Amarillo, and I had my heart in one hand, and my anger in the other. My anger was directed at this family, primarily for one reason: It wasn’t because they didn’t help me with any of the burial arrangements, or the finaces for it, that wasn’t my issue, it was that they discarded her, like she was a worn out doll that was not wanted anymore.

I stood at the front door, not knowing what I was gonna do or say, but I needed to get it out.

I rang the bell, and the daughter in- law (not sure which one), opened the door and was very surprised to see me. I come in and I take off my hat. Mable sees me and she is shocked. She tries to tell me that beauty wasn’t there, that she was-dead, and I knew she was. I told her to sit down and she better listen.

Now, a long time ago, there was a movie called Pride of the Yankees.

In that movie, Gary Cooper, who was very much like myself, had this amazing speech, and he won an Oscar for it. What I was about to say, was my Gary Cooper moment, I had a speech, but I didn’t win an Oscar for it.

I had my anger in my hands.

“NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME. YOU DIRTY PEOPLE! HOW COULD YOU? HOW! SHE LOVED YOU, AND APPARENTLY, IN SOME SICK WAY, YOU LOVED HER. YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD TO MANIPULATAE HER, TO DO WHAT YOU WANTED AND BE WHO YOU WANTED HER TO BE. LOOK, I AM NO MAN WITH RICHES, OR GOLD OR SILVER, OR ANY FANCY CARS. WHAT I DID GIVE HER, WAS LOVE. LOVE WAS THAT I HAD TO OFFER, AND SHE TOOK IT. SHE WAS GIVEN TO YOU, BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T HAVE A FAMILY THAT LOVED HER. SHE WAS USED AND ABUSED BY THEM, AND WHEN SHE CAME HERE, SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD LOVE, SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD FOUND A FAMILY, BUT APPARENTLY NOT! YOU COULDN’T EVEN LOOK AT HER MABLE! COULD YOU?!” I am screaming this. A man comes into the room, I wasn’t sure if it was David or Josh, I didn’t know them all that well. He tries to tell me to calm down and not say much else. I don’t care, my anger, again, takes the best of me. I scream at him: “SON- YOU BETTER SHUT UP BEFORE I GET PARTIAL WITH YOU!” He heeds my words. I continue:

“ALL SHE EVER WANTED WAS TO BE LOVED AND PROTECTED, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, BUT APPARENTLY, YOU COULDN’T EVEN BURY HER OR EVEN LOOK AT HER, BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO SCARED OF YOUR PRECIOUS NAME GETTIN’ IN THE PAPERS! MY GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? IT’S NO WONDER THAT SHE HATED YOUR WAYS OF LIFE! YOU KNOW, I’M THE ONE WHO BURIED HER! I’M THE ONE WHO TOLD HER I LOVED HER AND I’M THE ONE, THE LAST ONE SHE SAW BEFORE THEY TOOK HER FROM AND MADE HER INTO ASH, SO SHE COULD FINALLY BE FREE! FREE FROM MEN, WHO HURT HER, FREE FROM SNOBS LIKE Y’ALL, WHO DON’T EVER ACCEPT HER — AND CARE ABOUT WHAT SHE WANTED! GREED, AS I SEE IT, AS SHE SAW IT, COMES FROM PEOPLE LIKE YOU! GREED, COMES FROM MONEY AND RICHES. SHE’S NEVER KNOWN THAT. SHE WAS LEFT AND ABANDONED BY HER DADDY AT AGE 6, CARED FOR UNTIL 12, AND THEN USED AND ABUSED BY HER STUPID BROTHER, WHO USED HER FOR SEX, BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW THAT HUH? NO, YOU DIDN’T. SHE CAME TO YOU, BATTERED AND ABUSED AND SHE WANTED LOVE, AND APPARENTLY, SHE THOUGHT SHE GOT IT, UNTIL NOW. YOU PIECES OF …I BETTER NOT SAY IT, I BETTER LEAVE BEFORE I SAY OR DO ANYHTING I’LL REGRET. BUT I’LL HAVE YOU THIS, THE FACT THAT YOU DISCARDED HER, AND DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW HOW OR WHY SHE DIED, SPEAKS VOLUMES TO ME. YOU WEREN’T HER FAMILY, YOU WERE JUST SOME PEOPLE, WHO TRIED TO MOLD HER INTO A FILFTHY AND DIRTY SNOB LIKE YOU ALL. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR GREED AND YOUR SELFISHNESS, SHOWS, AND IT’S SHOWING LOUD AND CLEAR. JUST REMEMBER THE NEXT TIME YOU TAKE IN SOMEONE, JUST RECALL HOW YOU TREATED THE LAST ONE. DON’T SHIT ON POEPLE WHO LOVE YOU, AND THAT’S SOMETHING YOU ALL RICH FOLK CAN LEARN FROM. I’VE SAID ENOUGH, THAT’S ALL I CAN DO, NO MAN DO MORE. I BURIED HER AND I MADE SURE SHE KNEW THAT SOMEBODY LOVED HER! IN THE END, YOUR GOLD, AND YOUR MONEY WILL FADE, BUT LOVE- LOVE WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL AND SURVIVE.”

I put hat back on and I tip it and I leave out the door and I hadn’t seen them since.

September 1948

I went out with Dan and Phil to Duke’s. I was not over the beauty yet. It had been a few months. I saw a Youth Pastor. In my mind, Pastor’s or Priests, they were all the same: Evil.

I looked at this man, he was in his early 20’s, red hair and freckles. He was talking about the young teens he was minsitering. I got up, I wasn’t drunk, thought it may have seemed like I was. I told him he better keep his hands of those kids and I began beating the hell out of him. I was soon grabbed by Phil and taken outside.

He grabbed me by my shirt tail and he punched me in the face really hard, so hard I began to bleed.

“NOW YOU LISTEN AND YOU LISTEN GOOD SON!” Phil yelled. He still held onto me.

He said this and I have held onto it, for a long time:

“DO NOT LET YOUR ANGER GET THE BEST OF YOU SON! DO NOT LET YOUR ANGER AND BITTERNESS GET THE BEST OF YOU, CAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU COULD GET YOURSELF HURT OR YOU COULD GET SOMEONE KILLED! YOU COULD GET YOURSELF IN SERIOUS TROUBLE, THEN WHAT THE HELL YOU GONNA DO? DO NOT LET YOUR BITTERNESS AND ANGER EAT YOU ALIVE SON! DO NOT! I BEG OF YOU, DO NOT!”

I was angry and I wanted to cry.

“HE TOOK HER FROM ME!”

“YES I KNOW HE DID! SON! There are TONS OF WOMEN YOU’LL BE ABLE TO MEET!”

“Why the hell would he take her from me? I told him to keep his goddamn hands off her! Why COULDN’T HE HAVE LISTEND TO ME?!” I began sobbing. Phil held me close to him.

“I know son, I know, you loved her and I know she loved you too, but please, don’t let your anger get the best of you,” He whispered.

June 2004

This is hard for me to write about.

I headed back to Amarilla for a day, that’s all I had.

I met with the two boys, Josh and Dave, and I met with the new Priest. We went over business on how to handle this.

We talked about the demon, her death and what I have done to “handle it” — which in reality was everything.

The standing Priest gave me a folder, that contained the man’s details, and other things pertaining to her.

I really can’t even explain this, because I don’t want people thinking I don’t love my dear wife, but there are times at night, I could still feel beauty in my arms. It’s hard to say this, but you never really forget your first love and I certianly didn’t forget mine.

The world whisked her away in a blink of an eye, and all because some GODDAMN MAN COULD NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

You might ask, what had become of the man who killed her?

The man, he was “slapped on the wrist” (meaning, the Church didn’t do a GODDAMN THING, like I knew they wouldn’t) and they let him go.

He ended up being the Priest at an all girl’s Catholic high school- and I bet he was in “heaven.”

The man, though, got his medicine handed to him, when beauty (I should be more specific — beauty’s ghost), made him run his car into a tree and he died, a few days later. Beauty managed to “visit” him in the hospital. As far as I knew the man was on life support and she showed up.

She looked at him with her eyes and they were blue, but there was something different about her.

She walked over to him and she leaned down to the dying demon, which in my mind, needed to die anyways.

She whispers, “ I hope you end up in hell, cause the demons can have you.”

She walks over to where the machine was, and she smiled, in such a way, that seemed devious .

She turned it off and he died a few moments later.

She told the nurse, that he was dead.