“He’s Only There To Help You and Protect You”

A Young Author's Notebook
7 min readOct 21, 2023

Petr Ginz has been on my mind lately, and I know why. His niece is fleeing from Israel at the moment. I know that his sister, Chava, died last year, so I’m glad she didn’t see any of this.

Petr hasn’t left me alone either, which I’m glad for. I needed him. When I fell asleep, finally after hours of worry, I saw Petr. He was standing there with a shield. This shield was a round one, and on it, was a lot of his artwork. He wasn’t wearing any armor, but he had that sheild. He had it next to him. I had remembered what Chava had told me back in 2012, about Petr and his sheild. She told me when she saw this, it was back in 2004. She told me when she saw him (of course, when she went to sleep), he was standing with a shield and looking around, trying to protect her.

She asked what the shield was for.

“To Protect and to help you,” was his reply. I had seen Petr and said sheild a few times as well, when I went to sleep. It was almost like he was trying to protect me from myself in a way. But recently, I have seen him with this shield. I remember Chava telling me, that if I ever saw him with this sheild, that I was among the “lucky” ones, since he did not have this sheild very often. I had seen him with this sheild in 2016, 2018 and 2023. It was hard for me to describe when I saw it, because he didn’t really use it, but he held it out like he was going to attack something. I had also seen him bare his teeth. Like my grandpa said, “Anne Frank has sharp teeth and is ready to bite,” Petr’s teeth were just as sharp and I must say, terrifying. He is just as angry as she {Anne} is. When I saw him a few nights ago with this shield, I asked him why he had it.

“I need to be on guard,” He said. I asked him for what? He said, “I need to protect you and I need to help you, as well as others.” I think he’s referring to what is happening right now in the world, with wars and everything else. I know it must have been hard for him to see everything.

I could feel his anger and his pain. I didn’t know what Petr was trying to protect me or just everything. I know Petr is trying to make sure I don’t fall off the rails again and I am ok for the time being, but I think Petr was there to help me.

I don’t know what he was thinking, but I could tell that he was angry. In 2015, I had seen Petr fight someone with that sheild. I had no idea of who the other person was that he was fighting, but he fought hard and won. I guess he was fighting the “bad” things? I’m not sure? But with Petr Ginz, there was always something that drew me to him. I am not sure what it is, but I can’t seem to get him off my mind right now. I know he knows that I’m thinking of him. I have been saved by him before, and he’ll still continue to save me as much as he can. But what if I could have saved him? Sadly, he’s gone and he’s been gone for a long time, but I felt like I could do something for him. I talk about him constantly at the Holocaust Museum, but I want to do more. There’s already been a documentary made about him, but I wanted to do more. I really want to do something for him. Chava, who I lost last year, I knew that we had so many conversations about him and what I could to help him. She said, me just remembering him was enough. What was I to do now?

When I saw Petr (of course I was asleep when this happened), I told him about how people are trying to get me to “pick a side” when it came to this Isralie conflict. He put his arms around me, after he set his sheild down and said, “You don’t need to pick a side, you just feel what is in your heart.” I told him what several people have told me, “If I don’t stand with Israel, I’m not Jewish.” He shook his head and said, “That’s not how that works.” I knew that he’d say that, but I needed some confirmation on that.

“You’re Jewish, and you know your Jewish identity,” He said, as he picked up his sheild.

“What is that shield really for?” I asked. He turned his head and looked at me.

“It’s to protect and to defend, even here, I feel like I have to defend and protect,” He said. I asked him from what? He told me that sometimes, the bad spirits of the world, try to take over, and he fights them. He said, that they try to get to people, such as myself, and he fights them off. He said, that sometimes, when we see things we don’t understand, they can turn for the worst. I asked him what he thought about Israel. He said, “Not surprising, but it is sad, and I feel like no one will really want to stand with us, but I hope they will, but the children, the Youth EVERYWHERE! They should be helped first!” I asked him again about the “bad” things he was protecting me from.

“Sometimes, the bad thoughts, that appear in your head, from time to time. The bad voices that come into your mind, telling you that you’re not worth it, you’re not good enough, I slash them and I try to make it better for you,” He said. I asked him why he would do that for me?

“We are not strangers. I knew you from the time you started learning about who I was. I knew your heart and your intentions the moment we laid eyes on each other, and I know you protect me, and Eva (Chava) knew that as well,” He said. I felt better when he said that. “We are not strangers”, really hit me hard, because I hate it when people tell me, “You didn’t know these people! How could you say they Love You?” They do. Petr does. When he sees me, he greets me with a big hug and he doesn’t let me go for several minutes. I soak him in and I don’t want him to let go.

Petr Ginz (1928–1944)

With Petr taking up much of my mind space, there’s so much I want to say and do.

With Petr’s sister’s family safe, I am trying to make sure I am doing what I can for them, to help them, no matter what the cost.

Petr keeps me steady when I’m falling, and I know he does. When I was 19, I first saw him. He didn’t really do any talking, he just stood there, looking at me. I tried to talk, but he didn’t say anything. When I saw him again in 2011, a few weeks after Chava and I began talking, he didn’t talk then either. He didn’t really say anything until 2016, when America began to decline in morality. He told me that they needed help. I was the one to post them around, get the word out about them. I knew this was my mission and I did it with grace and honor.

Petr’s sweet smile

With Petr’s teeth, however, they are shown when he’s angry and he’s ready to defend. I have seen him bare his teeth a few times, and believe me, he’s not violent, but as Chava once told me, “He’s very protective of who he loves,” and I think with me, he does love me as much as I love him. I try to keep him alive as much as I can. I thank God that Chava died before any of this hit the fan, or else I would be so worried about her.

Petr’s death in 1944, really hit his family hard and with Chava, she had to grow up without him. But with me, I can’t even imagine what kind of pain Chava went through. Chava’s beautiful grace and kindness towards me, has always stuck with me. She talked so highly of her brother and how she loved him. They loved each other and yet, they both gave their love to me.

As my grandpa once wrote and I added to this years later:

“Anne is so far away..” He wrote. I added, “Petr is my home.”

With Petr, I will always do my best to protect him and there is so much I feel of him. When I am angry, a lot of that anger, is not mine. When people are hurting each other, or when dangerous policies are made, or when wars happen and I sit here helpless, I can feel that anger of his or his sadness. It’s kind of weird to explain.

I love Petr and I will continue to love him and his family. I have written some parts of a story about me seeing him, but I am not sure if I should make a full length novel out of it, or just a short story? Petr defends and protects, make no mistake.

--

--

A Young Author's Notebook

Kate. Autistic. I am a Jewish woman who doesn't have a clue of what's she's doing, so bear with me.