“I Just Want to be Normal!”

Autism Acceptance Month is next month, and I’m always emotional about it. I’m autistic and I hate myself for it. I hate myself that I’m always trying to “mask” and make myself act “normal,” cause I don’t want people to look at me in a certain way, or talked badly about.

I know I was a weird kid, I’m not excusing that. I wasn’t diagnosed then, and I wish I had been, for it could have saved me a lot of tears and a whole world that involved just..me.

A Really Lonely Kid

When you grow up overseas and you move every three years, it can be a lot. As a kid, I was heavilly bullied in school. Bullied for developing early (I developed breasts in the second grade and got my period in the third grade), and I had very little friends. When I watch my home movies, it looks like I had a lot of “friends.” I didn’t- those girls were “forced” to be there. Let me explain. My mom, though she did everything she could to try to make me “normal” and “socialize” better, she would ask the moms at my school if their daughters would come to my party, and somehow the moms would agree, but the girls would usually tell me afterwords that they didn’t want to be there anyways. I was really rather a…