“I Remember Fainting and Not Waking Up”
May 26, 2023
I went to bed late- at 11:20 Pm. I was thinking about Tomas- I guess because it was his birthday the night before.
I finally went to sleep at 11:45 P.M.
I know my mind wasn’t feeling very well and it still isn’t feeling very well. I fell asleep and little Tomas kept saying my name. I slowly woke up on the ground of a park. Tomas was sitting next to me.
“Good morning friend!” He said, as I sat up.
“Why do you always bring us here?” I asked.
“Because it’s my favorite place- and it’s fun! You’re not alright,” He said. I didn’t say anything. He took my hand and said, “ I know mummy was a little harsh with you- but she just doesn’t want to see me sad.” I could still feel her grip on my wrist.
“She’s worried that if you go- then I’ll be sad,” Tomas said.
“Aren’t you already sad?” I asked.
“Not when you’re here! We’ll have such fun!” Tomas said, smiling. I looked at him.
“How do you know my name?” I asked.
“You say your name all the time- and I like it! That’s how I know,” Tomas said.
“You call me Katie- not Kate,” I said.
“What’s the difference? You are Kay-tee, aren’t you?” He asked.
I tried to smile at him.
“Don’t worry, we’ll have lots of fun together!” Come, let’s look for rabbits!” He said as he took my hand to get up. “What are we looking for rabbits for?” I asked.
“To play with and to pet!” He said. He took my hand and he pulled me to a forest.
“Look! We must find a rabbit!” He said, cheerfully.
We walked in the forest and didn’t see any rabbits.
“Well, I guess they’re not here today,” I said.
“They hide, but that’s ok! Look! Kay-tee!” He said, pointing to a little frog.
“Tomas! Don’t touch it! You don’t know if it’s poisonous!” I said. He smiled a Cheeky smile. “You sound like my mother!” He said. He then told me to close my eyes.
“Ok Kay-tee! Open them!” I opened my eyes and we were in a massive room with lots of toys. I sat down on the floor, I was so overwhelemd by how many toys there were.
“Where are we? Tomas?” I asked.
“We’re where I like,” He said.
“Well, where is that?” I asked.
“Pohadka,” He said. There were so many toys.
“Why are were we here?” I asked.
He looked at me in a kind of serious way.
“Because I want to ask you questions- and I don’t want mama to know- I’m asking them!” Tomas said.
“How do you know I’ll have the answers?” I asked.
He looked at me, putting his hands on my face.
“Because you’ll know,” He said.
He grabbed a stuffed dog and had us sit on the floor. He crawled to my lap and sat in between my legs.
“Do you know how I died?” He asked.
“Do you not know or remember?” I asked. He closed his eyes, but opened them quickly.
“I don’t understand exactly- what happened, but maybe you could explain it to me,” Tomas said, looking up at me.
“I don’t want your mom to get angry at me- for telling you,” I said.
“She’s dead too, she can’t really hurt you- only yell at you,” Tomas said.
“I don’t want her to do that,” I said, remembering her grip on my wrist.
“I brought you here, so she wouldn’t hear you,” He said. I sighed.
“Please, help me understand it all- I know you’ve studied it- that’s how you know me — right?” He asked.
“No, I found you a different way,” I said. He curled up closer to me.
“I remember where I was, but I don’t really remember what happened after that,” He said. I told him that if I told him, he need to help with a few details. He stood up and had me stand up too. He turned me around and soon we were standing at the remnants of Sobibor.
“Where are we?” I asked.
“Where I died,” He said.
“Wow, it’s just a field now,” I said.
“I can show you what I recall,” He said. Soon, we saw a bunch of people. I noticed Tomas in the crowd. I saw Tomas get out of the train and saw the Nazis with guns. He let go of his grandmother’s hand and began to run. A Nazi noticed and started shooting at him. I could only look in horror. He was grabbed and brought back. He was shoved to his grandmother.
“What do you remember them telling you? Those bad men?” I asked.
“I .. I had to be bathed or something, but I was scared,” He said.
We saw him start crying.
“That is me with Nonna,” He said.
“Your grandmother?” I asked. He nodded.
“Where are we going?” Tomas asked. I knew, but I didn’t want to upset him. “Kay-tee tell me!” He said, tugging on my clothes.
“That’s — that’s where you die,” I cried.
“Come! Let’s look!” Tomas said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the chamber.
We were soon inside.
I held his hand as we entered the chamber. We spotted him. His grandmother held him close and said in Czech,
“Zavřete oči, brzy bude konec!” (Close your eyes, it will be over soon!)
Then our view got blurry.
“This is all I recall,” Tomas said, squeezing my hand.
“Anything else you remember?” I asked, getting down to his level.
“I remember fainting and not waking up,” He said. I knew what he meant, but I had to clarify it.
“Honey that fainting- that wasn’t fainting- you died. Do you remember anything about being in there?” I asked.
“I could not breathe well,” He replied, putting his hand on my chest. As he left his hand there, I had a hard time breathing. He removed his hand.
“That’s what I remember,” HE said.
“So you remember that? But what do you not understand?” I asked.
“Why was I locked in a room and I couldn’t breathe? Why? You know and I just want to get answers,” He asked. I saw the look in his eyes. I got down to his level again.
“Because those men who killed you- they wanted to- because you were Jewish. It’s a pathetic reason-” I said, but he placed his finger on my lips to silence me.
“Like the bad men are doing to the other kids?” Tomas asked.
I knew what kids he meant.
“Yeah, like the other kids,” I said.
“You’ll protect them too, right?” He asked me.
“I will, and I’ll do my best too,” I said. He hugged me so tightly.
I woke up soon after that.
