Losing You

Losing grandparents suck. I know at the age of 17, I had no grandparents left.

When I lost my last grandparent, I was on my own, and I really was.

I didn’t have grief ccounseling or anything, I was just left on my own to deal with it. Mind you, I had just lost my granny literally a month before.

Late last year I had posted some of my late grandpa’s writing and I wanted to do something about it (like adapt it somehow!) and when I tried to, I felt like I was losing him all over again. It seemed not as helpful as I thought it would be.

Well, the more I shoved him down, the more he’s beginning to come up again. I’m trying not to forget him, but I’m trying to also cope with the fact that he’s been gone for the past 17 years.

I try to cope, and the more I try, I feel like my grief gets worse.

“Grief is not linear, it comes at any time.” Well, grief to me, is unresolved. I am angry, and I have unresolved grief that I’m not entirely sure how to process it.

Yes, I go to therapy, and we’re discussing my grief, but I’m still struggling.

I always try to live up to his vaules and words.

As my grandpa would say, “Don’t let you anger or bitterness get the best of you.

I’m trying not to.

I need him and I need him now.

It’s hard to explain. I wish I could explain. I wish I could..