“MY CHILD NEEDS YOU”
May 25, 2023
Tomas Kulka would have been 89.
The night before, he visited me. I met him in a park. He ran up to me and hugged me.
“Hello! Kay-tee!” He said. I hugged him tightly.
“Tomorrow is my birthday! Only except, I’m here, and you are there!” He said. He stopped hugging me and he looked sad.
“Aw, Tomas, don’t feel sad, you’ll always have a birthday! I’ll remember it!”
I told him.
“You’re the only one that probably does,” He said. I asked him what he meant.
“People usually do not remember a 7 year-old who was killed by the bad people,” He said. I knew what he meant.
“I’m different, Tomas,” I said. He took my hand and led me to the playground part of the park. He let go of my hand and climbed on the jungle gym. He slid down the slide. He didn’t look like he was having much fun.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. He looked at me — and then he said, “Being dead really stings!” I walked over to him. I saw him look over my shoulder.
“Tomáš!” A woman said. I turned around and looked at her. She was wearing a white dress with a very nice coat and a very lovely hat.
“Mummy! This is the friend I told you about!” He said, running to her.
The woman walked near me.
“So you have been keeping my son company?” She asked. I nodded.
“He talks of the girl he knows that speaks of him,” She said.
“Your son is everything to me,” I replied.
“I know, I’ve seen you with him. But I must ask if you don’t talk about your mind issues with him,” She said.
“What? Mind Issues?” I asked.
“My child has been worrying- he thinks you’ll end up where he can’t find you. My child is not a doctor,” She said. I knew what she was talking about.
“He saves me everytime I see him,” I said.
“Tommy, go play, mummy wants to chat with your friend,” She said. Tomas ran to the playground.
“You must understand that my child has an attachment to you, please don’t take that lightly,” Elsa (his mother) said.
“As I do with him- have an attachment to him,” I said. She looked at me in worry.
“My child has been so worried about you! He thinks you’re not going to see him anymore. He considers you a friend and how would I console him if anything were to happen to you? HOW? This is not a game!- To him, you are very real! Do not play this game you’re playing with him! You could end up where he won’t be able to find you!” She said.
“I’m not playing a game with him! I’m sorry, my head is not always perfect, but I’m not toying with him,” I replied, almost angrily.
“That little boy is everything to me and I would never do anything to hurt that little boy!” I said. She glared at me.
“Then why do you do this? Why is it his job to save you?” She asked, almost angerily.
“Because she’s needing my help mummy!” Tomas said, as he stood by me. She looked at him lovingly.
“She loves me, she can’t help it,” Tomas said.
Elsa looked at him.
“She’s trying her hardest- she is mama! Really! I don’t mind! She’s my friend!” He said, holding my hand.
“Tommy,” She whispered. They began speaking in Czech. I didn’t understand.
I felt Tomas squeezing my hand several times. They stopped speaking in Czech and he looked at me, smiling. I looked at him.
“I want to talk to your friend please, Tommy,” Elsa said. Tomas ran to the swings. She grabbed one of my wrists. She was serious and she looked deep in my eyes.
“You better not hurt my child!” She said. I looked at her in shock.
“I would never!” I said. She squeezed my wrist tighter and glared at me harder.
“That child- my child- you do something and he’ll cry and scream for eternity. My child happens to love you and he will not take anything you do lightly,” She said. I couldn’t say anything.
She squeezezd tighter.
“I know we are dead, but that little boy is stressed- because he’s afraid that you won’t be able to play anymore! I know what you’ll have to do- but do whatever you have to get it together! That little boy has known you for years and he wants to know you. He’ll help you, but don’t abandon him!” She cried. My wrist was hurting so badly, as she was holding it so tightly.
“Please! You’re hurting me!” I said, trying to get her to let go.
“You! Listen to me! That little boy needs you! Do you not see that?” She yelled.
I had thought about this.
“My child! He does not attach himself to living people very often! You are something special and he is scared!! He is scared that one day he won’t find you- then what? ANSWER ME!” She yelled. I knew I had to answer.
“I don’t want him to be scared! I need him too!” I replied. She slowly let go of my wrist.
“I need his help! I don’t want him looking for me, I want to be there for him!” I replied. She looked at Tomas and then back at me.
“My child LOVES YOU- that should be enough to keep you alive,” Elsa said.
“He means everything- and he saves me everyday- all the time. I don’t want him looking for me,” I replied.
“Then do what you have to do to make him not look for you,” She said. Tomas came back over. Tomas hugged me.
“Don’t worry, I’ll help you. I love you,” Tomas said.
“I love you too,” I replied.
Tomas told me that his time was nearly gone and I told him I’d remember him on his birthday.
