“Stay Away From People Who Make You Think You’re Difficult To Love”
I know some of you have been wondering where the “dead” folk posts have been, well, I had one last night. This time, I got a nice visit from Linda Darnell (1923–1965). Linda, I have never met before, nor have I have ever seen her at all, so this was a surprise. I think because I had been thinking of her lately, and knowing her 100th birthday is vastly approaching (October) and I can’t wait to celebrate! But I think because I was talking to my friend Christine about her yesterday. Linda, as people have described her, as “tragic”. I don’t see her that way, though her life sucked, I don’t see her as a tragedy. It’s not fair to call someone a tragedy. It really isn’t. But her purpose of her visit was very well stated when she arrived.
We met on Camp Bowie in Fort Worth, which I was surprised, because Darnell is from Dallas, but we met there. I was happy to be home.
“Katie! MY! It’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” She said, coming near me. She looked like she did in the 1940’s: beautiful black hair, that was softly curled and she wore a beautiful beige dress and heels. She had a big smile on her face.
“Well, shall we go ahead and walk? We have a lot to talk about,” She said, reaching out her hand. Of course, I grabbed it and we walked. She looked around and she noticed that she had been here before.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” She said.
“I was just here, not too long ago,” I said. She smiled at me.
We stopped and looked around.
“Why are you visiting me now? I mean, I’m glad you are, but is there something you want to share with me?” I asked, trying not to offend her.
“Well, actually there is something we need to talk about,” She said, as we crossed the street.
“What’s that?” I asked, trying to keep up with her. She turned and looked at me. Her dark eyes were dazzling and to be honest, I knew she was serious.
“Stay away from people who make you think you’re difficult to love,” She said, taking my hand and holding it tightly. I didn’t reply instantly.
“Stay away from those people! Katie! They are hard to love themselves! That girl who claims to ‘love’ me and run that page on me, little does she know, she doesn’t know me at all, and all the things I am about- she forgot one important detail about me: I knew how to love people, not be fake. She’s one fake egg, Katie and I know that’s a fact. See how she’s treated others? And in my name? Ugh, no,” Linda scoffed. I knew who she was referring to.
“I didn’t do anything to her, like at all,” I said. She shook her head.
“No, she’s just…Not like me, that’s for sure,” Linda said. I figured just as well.
“Linda, you’re different, and I know that your life kind of sucked, but you still remained true to yourself,” I said. She looked over at me and she smiled.
“It takes someone to make a mess of things, but it takes a woman to pick the pieces up,” Linda said as we stopped walking. We were almost to downtown Fort Worth.
“Have you ever thought about visiting her and telling her how you feel?” I asked. She shook her head.
“I really don’t want my name associated with hers, to be blunt, but here we are,” Linda said. I held Linda’s hand.
“It’s ok, I’m here,” I said. She looked at me with those dark eyes.
“It’s going to be fine, Katie, you just have to believe in yourself, and believe me, you will find what you’re looking for,” Linda said. We walked to Downtown. She continued to look at her surroundings.
“It’s harder to pick up your own pieces, than someone else’s and trust me, I’ve done that all my life,” Linda said. I knew what she meant.
“I’m sorry if I ever-” I tried to say, but she stopped me.
“You’ve done nothing Kate! You’re just misjudged, misused and misunderstood,” She said. I nodded to that.
“Remember Katie, sometimes, people hate themselves, so they project their hatred onto other people, to make themselves feel better. Oh, by the way, Ronnie Lake says that girl that admires her is a rotten egg too! You didn’t hear it from me,” Linda said. I smiled.
“I think Deanna might have told me that too,” I said, looking at her.
“God, why do these bad eggs have to ruin us for other people? We were NOT that way! We would have never treated people the way that they treat people, especially you Katie! Your heart is soft and it gets stomped on so much and it’s hard for me to watch!” Linda said, turning me to face her. I could tell she was reading my emotions or my mind , or frankly, both.
“Why do you feel like you can’t keep living? Why do you feel like no one wants you in a room? Not everyone hates you, and I wished your mind wouldn't think such things,” Linda said, holding my hand.
“When you’re told this, and when you’ve felt like this for a long time, you start believing it,” I said. She wrapped me in a hug.
“Don’t ever think you’re not worth it, please .. You are,” She whispered. I hugged her tightly.
“Every life, is worth it, even if they’re assholes, but don’t worry Katie, you’re going to show them up and that way, you’ll get even with them,” Linda said, still hugging me.
“I don’t want to get even, I just don’t want them to be mean, and I just don’t want them doing it in your name,” I said.
“We know their true colors, even if the world doesn’t,” Linda said, looking down at me.
“I never got the chance to tell you that I loved you,” I said. She smiled.
“I already knew Katie, I already knew,” She said. We hugged some more.
“Now, you’ve got Bonita to focus on, and what a lucky girl!” Linda said.
“I’m not qualified to write that book on you,” I said.
“Phew! Yes you are! But I know Bonita has had your heart for a lot longer than me,” Linda said.
“I want to give you something at some point,” I said.
“Oh! Katie! One person at a time! Remember, you have my support! But I want you to take care of yourself too! Really, I do! Give yourself some time to heal. It’s ok to still be upset over things that you thought you were over. It’s hard losing people who you thought your friends, believe me, I was fucked over left and right,” Linda said, as we stopped hugging. I felt upset at those girls who made me feel like I was hard to love or hard to get along with.
“Those girls know nothing of your pain, nor did they know of that fateful night, when you almost died! I told Deanna and Gloria that they needed to help you and HELP YOU THEY DID!” Linda said.
I tried not to cry in front of her.
“It’s ok to let it out,” She said.
“WHAT DID I EVER DO TO THEM?!” I yelled.
“You were yourself and they couldn’t handle it when you needed help. I don’t think you know this, but I was there when all of it was being watched by everyone. You cried, and you were suffering, and no one could help you. All you thought about was…death, which we were all scared of you thinking that way. I wanted to scream at them through the phone, but unlike them, they do not have your gift of seeing us,” Linda said. I was shocked.
“How many of you saw that debacle?” I asked.
“Well, hmm, Me, Gloria Jean, Deanna, Judy (Garland), Bonita, Helen (Parrish) Rick (Arlen) Joby (Ralston) , Otto, Tomas, Renia, Chava, Petr, Dawid, hmm, also, Peggy (Moran) and Peggy (Ryan) and hmmm, I can’t remember who else, but there were quite a few of us. We saw you suffering. It was painful for us to watch. We wanted so much to break that seal, and help you! But of course, we’re dead, there’s not much we can do, but guide you. What those girls did was horrible and they showed their true colors. They really did. The lot of them did, and it’s hard to understand why? I’ll tell you that Ronnie Lake heard about it and was flabbergasted by it. She said she couldn’t believe it. It’s harder to watch someone you love suffer, then watch them slowly die. Katie, you were slowly dying and you were suffering. We hurt so much and our hearts were hurting for you,” Linda said. It was nice to know that they were on my side.
“It’s not about what they did, its how they refused to help you- ESPECIALLY, when you were there for them! Disgusting! That’s not what friendship is! It’s a give and take! A lot of your friendships were very one sided! I don’t know if you realize that!” Linda said. I have slowly realized that .
“That girl! Terish, or whatever her bratty name was! Fucked you over big time and made you feel like it was all your fault! NO! You were suffering so much! I can understand why you want to be with us so badly, but I promise, SHE WAS THE ISSUE. JEALOUSLY! That’s what she had! So much of it! She tried to make you feel that you were hard to love. You need to stay clear from those people Katie! YOU ARE EASY TO LOVE! LOVE! It’s what you desire and it’s what you give! I’ve known you for a long time, and I see how much you want to give yourself to people! It’s so difficult to see when you’re being thrown to the ground and stomped on. Those girls! They will never know what real love is- only the love that they give each other and then leave you nothing! You gave those girls everything! EVERYTHING! Like Oh my goodness gracious! You have such a big heart and a kind soul and yet, you suffer the most for it. Your hands, they were bruised on the inside because of how much you wanted to slam the wall,” Linda said, almost in tears. I started crying.
“We saw it all Katie, those girls! YUCK! They just..ugh! They disgust me!” Linda said.
“It’s ok Linda, I’m getting better!” I said.
“Bonita made sure you’re getting better, and so is everyone else! We want to make sure you live the most fullfilling life ever! Don’t forget Katie, there are so many people who love you and want you to be on their team and believe us Katie, we’re right there with ya!” Linda said.
Linda hugged me one last time and she slowly vanished.
