“You Don’t Need To Beg Others To Accept You”
I slept and woke up at 2 different times. I finally went to sleep at 11:30. I felt so sleepy and thank goodness- I thought- I’d be going to sleep.
As I drifted off to sleep, I heard a woman’s laughter. I woke up and I was standing in front of a woman who was wearing a short sleeve shirt that was white and a long black skirt, white socks and black shoes. She had soft brown hair that was softly curled.
“Hello Kitty!” She said. I looked around and then I realized she must have been addressing me.
“Me?” I asked. She smiled at me. She walked over to me and said:
“Hello Kitty!”
“Umm, OK, hi!” I said.
“To me, you are Kitty,” She said.
“Ok, umm,” I replied, thinking of what to say.
“Kitty! Come- we’ll have a picnic,” Shes said.
“I-I’m not sure-” I said.
“Oh, I’m Helene,” She said, reaching out her hand. I had thought so, just wanted to be sure.
“Coming?” She asked.
“Yes, I’m coming!” I said, walking after her. We walked to a very beautiful grassy field, where there were flowers everywhere. She sat down her basket, which I just noticed she had. She pulled out a lovely white blanket and spread it out. She smiled. “What is wrong? You don’t like food?” She asked, noticing my face.
“Oh! No- I-I do, it’s just- umm,” I couldn’t really answer her. She laughed and smiled.
“It’s ok! We’ve never met! I can read your mind too,”She replied.
I got annoyed.
“Stay out of it,” I said, a little angry. She looked at me in confusion.
“Stay out of what?” She asked.
“My- MY HEAD!” I replied.
“I don’t read your thoughts- I just read your feelings,” She said.
“Come! Sit!” She added. I sat with her on the blanket. She reached into her basket.
“Cucumber salad or Tuna?” She asked, pulling out little sandwiches.
“Oh! Umm,” I said, trying to decline the offer, but she made a face of “You’re going to decline!?” So I just said, “Cucumber!” She handed me the small sandwich.
“So, do you like picnics?” Helene asked.
“I’ve never really been on one,” I said.
“Oh! Well, now we can talk!” She said, getting herself a Tuna salad sandwich.
“So, what are you going to teach me?” I blurted out. She started laughing.
“Is that all you think we do is teach you things?” She laughed. I immediately back tracked.
“Oh! God No! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to offend you!” I cried. She laughed and said, “You didn’t offend me, you’re alright!” I was breathing heavy and she noticed.
“Calm down or I’ll make you calm!” She said.
“How could you do that?” I asked. She held up one of her hands and moved it down.
“Shhh, breathe,” She said, soothing. My breathing slowed down. “You think about what others think of you — and it’s gross!” Helene said.
“I do?” I asked.
“Yes! You cared enough if you thought you offended me- you didn’t! You worry too much- don’t! It’s only to make it worse!” Helene said.
“Make what worse?” I asked.
“Here!” She said, pointing to her head.
“You should eat,” She said. I realized I still had the sandwich in my hand. I nodded and I ate. “Pretty good,” I said.
“I know, I made them myself,” She said.
“You think too much of what others say about you- don’t- because they don’t matter- they’re not you,” She said.
“I try- it’s hard,” I said.
“You have an inferiority complex, you think no one wants you around- which is completly false,” She said. I tried not to look at her.
“Your mind, it tells you lies and you believe them! Why?” She asked.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“I know, because people have told you those lies,” She said.
“I’m gulliable!” I said.
“Your mind is taught to never accept the love you deserve. We all deserve love,” She said.
I think I looked at her.
“Kitty, you deserve love and so does your mind- love is an essence,” She said.
“What does my mind tell you exactly? You say you can read it, so what does it tell you?” I asked.
“You scream for acceptance and understanding- you beg for love. Why must you beg?” She asked.
“I- I-I Beg?” I replied. She nodded.
“You know, you don’t need to beg for others to accept you-if they truely lvoe you- begging is not needed,” She said.
I continued to eat my sandwich.
“You know- the people who really love us- see us for who we are- not for what we show them- meaning- what you show them — is what they’re going to get,” She said. I nodded.
“So, be YOU! Not this fake you,” SHe said. I looked at her.
“Life is a mystery and we can onlyo solve it by living it! I’d give anything to be where you are now- ALIVE,” She said, eating a little bit of her tuna salad sandwich.
“You- You could see my thoughts?” I askesd.
“Yes, I can- you think a lot and sometimes your mind goes to places it shouldn’t, like teh dark places,” She said. She looked up at the sky.
“Oh, it’s about to rain! We need to get to somewhere dry!” She said as she touched my hand. We were soon at a library- in a room where we were the only two there. “Where are we?” I asked.
“Sorbonne,” She said.
“It’s where you went to school, right?” I asked.
“Yes, quite so- you’re wondering why we’re here?” She asked. I nodded.
“It’s a special place for me- but I wanted to bring you to a place where my mind can be free and happy. What place is that for you?” She asked.
“You know that already,” I said.
“You told me to stay out of your head, so I’m going to let you tell me,” She said.
“It’s the Holocaust Museum,” I said. She smiled.
“I knew you’d say that!” She said.
“I’m going to start getting our lunch back out- unlike other places- we can eat here,” Helene saidd. Helene took out a cucumber sandwich.
“Tell me, why do you take that medication?” She asked. I looked at her.
“The doctors say I have a possible mood disorder,” I replied. She ate a bit of her sandwich. “They try to control ytou- try to stifle you- that medication sometimes can make you feel darker than you already feel. Please pay attention on how it makes you feel. Take it- but be careful,” She warned.
I looked at the room. It was filled with books, ones I didn’t understand the titles. “I know you’re always wondering if you fit- but if you’re ever lost- you can always call on me! Remember, don’t worry about what others think of you! Just learn that the ones who really love you, you will never have to bed for their attention or love,” Helene said. She told me it was time to “go back”, so she managed to put me to sleep. I woke up at 8 am.
