“You Know Me, But That Doesn’t Mean Everyone Else Does”
After my little meltdown last night, around 12:00 am, I finally drifted off to sleep. I was met by a voice, who was humming. I recognized that voice. I slowly opened my eyes.
“Hello, are you over your little spell?” Deanna asked. I woke up on a couch, on the sound stage.
“I guess you could say that you little drifted over to me?” Deanna said. I slowly got up. I knew I was going to be facing her.
“Well, what’s been going on? I hear you’ve been having a hard time,” She said. I didn’t answer.
“WELL? Are you going to answer?” She asked.
“Yes, I’m sorry, I don’t want to put you through this?” I asked.
“Look, we’re wrapped into this together, so we’re going to fight together,” She said.
“Fight?” I asked.
“You’re not giving up now! I saw what your mind was thinking! You’re not going anywhere, not on my watch!” Deanna said.
I looked down.
“Look, what’s been going on? Are you still upset at those people? They shouldn’t matter anymore, what are they doing with their lives? Nothing! You’re doing so much!” Deanna said. l know she was trying to make me feel better.
“I’m trying to do something,” I said.
“No, you are! You know more than they do! You just doubt yourself,” Deanna said.
“I know what I’ve said about you, and I was going off of what Gloria said,” I said.
“You know me, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. Gloria told you that, because she thought you could handle it,” Deanna said.
I wanted to say that it has made people hate me, but Deanna knew what I wanted to say first.
“Those people wished that they were you, knowing what you know,” She said.
“Why? It’s a lot of information!” I said.
“Well, it’s hard to explain, but those people, they don’t get to talk to famous people, like you do,” She said.
“Well, Gloria I just met by chance,” I said.
“She had been holding onto those things for a while, but I think she really trusted you, and I think that a lot of people aren’t ready to hear that stuff about me,” She said.
“Do other people know?” I asked .
“Well, some, but not many,” She said .
I closed my eyes.
“Well, it’s not that big of deal, but I guess that the other stories came into play when she told you about Helen Parrish,” Deanna said.
“Yeah, I know, but I haven’t seen Helen yet,” I said.
“Don’t worry, in time you will,” She said.
“Now, we need to talk about you in that apartment by yourself, you can’t keep going out at like 11 PM and driving. You could get hit by a drunk or you could get hurt! You need to learn how to feel safe by yourself,” She said.
“It’s harder when you’re by yourself and you have no one, but you have someone who wants you there.” She said. I knew she meant my husband.
“Plus, I don’t think Gloria Jean or I are ready to not be able to find you ever again,” Deanna said. I nodded.
“Life is a battle, but it’s how you handle it, that makes you the person you are,” Deanna said. I nodded again.
“What are you going to do about when you have children?” She asked. I thought about this.
“You have to be brave for them!” She said. I had to think about this. How was I going to be brave for the kids? How was I going to keep it together?
I let her look at me with those sad eyes.
“Kate, you have so much to live for, why throw it all away for people who wouldn’t even care if you died the next day?” She asked.
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes! Some of those people would just go about their day, and then, well, you’d be gone and then they’d say nasty things about you,” Deanna said.
“Your best revenge, is to LIVE! Live better than they can!” Deanna said.
She hugged me so tightly.
“You are loved, and I hope you know that!” She said, as she faded away.
