“You’re Missing the Point” & “Do You Know What You Believe?”
I don’t know how to describe what happened to me when I fell asleep last night- the essence of my nap dreams got me thinking of what the Pfeffer brothers were saying. The Serger (Sorger) sisters saw me, but only for a little bit, they didn’t speak. Then, I felt a cold hand on my back. I didn’t turn around- until I heard a voice say, “It’s ok, you know me.” I didn’t recognize his voice. I slowly turned around and then I saw him- Otto Wolf. He looked like he did in the only photo I saw. “I know, we’ve met only briefly,” He said. I looked at him with confusion. “Ok, I believe you encountered my sister, Lici,” He said.
I nodded.
He said ,“Let’s walk.” We began walking in a forest.
“I’m sorry if the Pfeffer Brothers were a little bit confusing,” He said. “ I guess? I wasn’t fully grasping what they were talking about?” I said as we walked. “I know- the Mother part,” He replied. “How did you guess?” I asked.
“I’m dead, I know a lot of things,” He said.
“Why do these kids think I’m their mother or something?” I asked. Otto shook his head. “You’re missing the point,” He replied. “What point is that?” I said. “They don’t think you’re their mother,” He said. I looked at him in confusion again.
“Then why do these little ones say I’m their mother?” I asked.
“They don’t,” Otto said. I gave him a frown. “Ok, so here’s what they mean- when we died you took our life lantern and you lit it up again. You began talking about us, writing about us, you never let us really die- the little ones- their mothers did a lot of that. They see how you say you love them- they have felt attached to you- as you have to us. They don’t think you’re their mother per-say, they just realize you have motherly instincts- you love them as if they were you own children- that’s what they’re saying- not that you gave birth to them- it’s that you care about it us as if you’ve known us all your life- like a mother loves their children- but you protect them in your own way. You say you love them and I know you love me, but to the little ones, you give off mother instincts and ways,” He replied. It was all coming to me easily now. I guess because I’m so attached to these kids- they see me differently- I guess? Otto and I continued walking. “You know a lot about me- but you didn’t tell me about your time with Lici,” He said.
I told him that the first encounter I had with her was very brief and she seemed upset. He lowered his head. “ I know- she didn’t know if you understood her pain,” He said. I looked at him and I said, “I don’t think I’ll ever understand it fully but I’m going to try,” I replied. “She showed you her pain- didn’t she?” Otto asked. I nodded. “It took her a long time to open up about Kurt and I- She loved us very much,” He said.
“I figured she did. But the second time I saw her was with Margot Frank,” I said. He smiled at me. “She tried to make you feel better- did she?” He asked. “She did everything she could to make me feel better,” I replied. “Don’t worry, you’ll see more of her, might take her a while, but she’s happy you remember me,” Otto said. I said that he meant the world to me- and he held my hand. “You’re going to do great things with us- and I know you’ll be happy with the results,” Otto said as he slowly vanished.
As he left, two sisters appeared behind me.
“Cześć!” I heard. I turned around. The Serger (Sorger) sisters were there: Ester and Donia.They were dressed alike in pokadot dresses and hats (As seen below).
“To ona! To ona!” Donia said. I am learning Polish so I knew what Ona meant: “It’s her! It’s Her!” I just looked at them. They were wondering why I wasn’t coming near them. “Dlaczego ona się do nas nie zbliża?” Asked Ester. I didn’t understand what that meant. I could feel myself walking to them. “Well, it’s about time you understood us!” Donia said, finally something I could understand. “I’m sorry, I’m still learning Polish, I don’t understand everything,” I said. “Well, isn’t that funny? You try to learn our language but don’t apply it to your everyday life,” Donia said. “Now, now Donia, don’t tease, it’s not her fault, she’s got a lot in that mind of hers,” Ester said. “Yeah, it’s all scrambled! Why are you so scattered brained?” Donia asked. “I guess it’s called ADHD,” I said. They looked at each other in confusion. “AD-What?” Donia asked. “It’s — well never mind, so what are you going to enlighten me with?” I asked. Donia threw her head back and began laughing. “Enlighten? Do you not know what we’re doing here? What you’re doing here?” Donia asked, laughing. “No, I don’t, I don’t know much about you, other than the fact you were both killed,” I said. “You think we’re here to enlighten you?” Donia asked. “No- I was just wondering what you wanted to tell me, or show me, or anything?” I replied, of course, I was scared, and they could tell.
“You know what’s wrong with you? Your faith!” Ester said.
“Oh Ester! Please! There’s no use in telling her that! Why she doesn’t even know who she is yet!” Donia said. “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to find myself!” I said, I was almost in tears. I turned to walk away, but Ester made me stop.
“Wait! Don’t you want to hear what we have to say?” Ester screamed. Somehow, they made me freeze in place. I turned around. Donia and Ester were holding hands and looking at me deeply. I walked back over to them.
“You can’t run all the time! You need to Listen! I know you are still trying to figure out life — but really, if you don’t know who you are- then how do you know what you believe? Do you feel like you’re closer to Godor do you feel pressure to do what everyone says or do?” Ester said. I breathed heavily.
“I know what Iam — I just don’t know why I have to explain myself?” I said. “You feel like us very deeply, you should explore your faith- apparently you’ve lost your faith in humanity- do you not believe in God?” Ester asked.
“I believe in God, but I question him. Dear God, I can’t understand why bad things are happening? I don’t know if you know- how terrifying the world is right now,” I said.
Ester and Donia looked at each other.
“You don’t think we don’t know what is going on? You don’t think we don’t know what is happening to your own country? DeSatan, whatever his name is- trying to make their entire state a Fascist regime, they learn nothing from our deaths. The world does not learn from dead people. They do not learn from the ones who were killed before,” Donia said.
Ester came close to me, and I could see all the life in her.
“Jestem Żydem, ty jesteś Żydem, ale nie jesteś gotowy umrzeć tak jak my (I am a Jew, you are a Jew, but you’re not ready to die like us.),” Ester said. I shook my head and said “I don’t understand.”
“Pewnego dnia wrócimy. Świat nie będzie gotowy na nasz gniew (One day, we will come back. The world will not be ready for our wrath),” Ester said. I looked at Donia for some clarification .
Ester moved my head to look at her. She had the fear of God in her eyes.
“Musisz być cicho, aby usłyszeć swoje serce (You must be quiet in order to hear your heart.),” She whispered. She embraced me in a hug. I put my arms around her. Donia came over and said, “Ester, musisz jej powiedzieć (Ester, you must tell her).” I didn’t care, I couldn’t hear what Donia said.
“Katia, don’t give up hope. You will be able to help us, and so many others, through the next steps. You remember, and that’s the best part of you. You obsess a little and that’s ok. You will always hold us dear. Your Jewish heart, is big. We see how you try to live by the Torah. We see how you’re doing your best. You will find out who you are sooner or later,” Ester said.
Ester kissed my head and I fell to the ground and then..I heard my alarm go off- get ready for work.
